I used to talk mad shit about bucket hats. They look stupid. They signal stupid. And but, like you, I’m willing, at times, to let irony inspire and guide my fit decisions, especially when the tech is legit regardless and/or in spite of the wack style. I’m thinking about the many forms of clearly medical-looking footwear that I love and covet and continue to run on the reg because they provide cloud tech. I’m thinking about how every time I shave (1-2 times a month), especially if it’s been a long time like four or five weeks since the last shave, I like to burn in a LolLapalooza grade goatee and wear it around the house for a day or two, weather depending, because mid 90’s grunge alpha larping gives joy. I’m thinking about bandanas in curious positions and playful shapes because flair is fun and attracts existential conversationalism while the bandana itself works to absorb sweat, beat down dust and provide various tactical field options in the face of mercurial and/or tempestuous weather. I’m thinking about my Ohio Dad In The Matrix sunglasses from Distract Vision that keep the steez in and the sun out. And, if it’s made in UL Dyneema fabric for heat retentions and sun protections, and comes with a detachable neck flap reminiscent of a 16th century samurai helmet, I’m also talking about an MSO bucket hat from the near future.

HIGH QUALITY MESH sourced from a Best-In-Class textile manufacturer supplying top of the line Patio Furniture brands. This mesh has structure so it’s ALWAYS OPEN AND READY TO HAUL BIG LOADS; wetsuits, injured Subject Athletes, firewood, everyone’s food and shelters systems for an 8-person 10-day base camp scenario, injured wild animals in need of relocation, immense volumes of Positive energy, etc. Hole Tech allows this bag to drain sand, water, sweat, blood, funk, negative energy, mud, and smaller less valuable rocks so you’re only carrying the shit you want and not the shit you don’t want. Plus these holes are designed to let air and light in which means you can literally watch everything in your bag dry in real time. Don’t get me started on the built-in camp chair because it’s insanely comfortable and artfully integrated. It’s basically a high-end, lightweight version of your dad’s supremely effective camp chair from the 90’s.

NO JOKE THIS iS ONE OF THE BEST BAGS IN THE WORLD. We might have to kickstart this puppy cause it’s a million dollar idea just waiting to happen. Plus it’s technical and great for Rats doing Endurance Modes and Earthlings looking to travel and do road trips.