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Mad Wikkid Bike Toouah

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When we told Benedict, aka Bene, aka Ultraromance, aka Poppi, aka Jonti, aka The Cybershark, that we needed him to organize a ride in the Northeast he told us that without a question, without even an inkling of a doubt, that the ride he’d be organizing would be taking place in Vermont, a state choked with artisanal grocery stores and co-ops despite its sparse population. These repositories of crafted and curated foods are essential for keeping the body, mind, and spirit in tip-top condition, and there is nothing in the world more important to a brahman/bohemian/vagabond/aesthete like Mr. Benedict Wheeler than a tip-top bod and all the groupies and fringe benefits that come with it. But Vermont’s excellence isn’t limited to a surfeit of jams made from the crushed matter of hand-coddled berries and gamey ripe yogurt, still warm with the active bustle of a probiotic kingdom. The state has so much more to offer: preternaturally smooth dirt roads, haunted tunnels, and wealth of wild camping and cabin options are just a few of the amenities that, taken together, will serve to WOW even the most calloused of bike tourists.

Official East Coast Tour Artwork By Dan Funderburgh Creative Brief The East Coast is old and colonial or whatever, and as such it's rich in tradition and history. But tradition and history are boring unless someone tricks you into consuming tradition and history by hiding them in stories. Stories are exciting and engaging. Nowadays we mostly tell stories using the Internet and Snapchat, but back in the Pilgrim days we didn't have electricity or words so story telling was often done orally. Early settlers also used "physical objects" like the printing press and quilts to tell their stories and pass down their histories. Story quilts don't require a formal education, just talent, creativity and some yarn. For that reason and that reason alone, we worked with visual artist Dan Funderburgh to create a talisman in the form of a quit, or "tapestry," featuring key elements of our East Coast Bikepacking Campaign, something that would protect us and guide us, and precede us. If it helps, you can think of it as as a visual emissary and banner under which we launched ourselves into the heart of early American History.
Bryan Banducci, aka @bryanbanducci.
Mary Lytle, aka @maryroselytle.
Patrick Newell, aka @ultratradition.
Moi Medina aka @moi_is_moi.
Daniel Wakefield Pasley, aka @yonderjournal.
Sarah Swallow, aka @swallowbicycleworks.
Kyle von Hoetzendorff, aka @newantarctica
Benedict Wheeler, aka @ultraromance.

POPPI’S PUBLIC RESTROOMS & PIZZERIA: RECIPE #1

Poppi is a full service Bike-Packing Guide and East Coast Aficionado. Does he know where to find the covered’est of bridges?, you bet he does. What about the primo dirt roads?, the ones with a buffed-out surfaces, no cars and countless dead possums?, ummm, duh. Haunted Tunnels anyone??? The nearest artisanal co-op? Poppi knows it all! But his instruction and guidance doesn’t end there, he also knows how to (safely) subsist on weeds and wild edible plants and trash found on the side of the road and behind abandoned buildings. With this in mind, Yonder Journal is proud to present a series of recipes from Poppi’s forthcoming cookbook called Poppi’s Public Restrooms and Pizza.

Poppi’s “Run Right Through Ya” Goulash

  1. Ingredient #1: Bouillon Cubes. Bouillon cubes are cheap, tasty, packable and versatile… kinda… I always have ’em adorning my camp kitchen and incidentally seasoning the bottoms of my stuff sacks. I’m always like, “Are those my spare socks I’m smelling?? Aww, yah, that’s a bouillon cube onion waft”. It’s exciting.
  2. Ingredient #2: Coconut Oil. The praises of coconut oil have been heard by all, and for the most part are all true. It’s incredibly stable at high temperatures while cooking, and won’t go bad in yer camp kitchen. It’s also the best after-tanning and pre-tanning and general-tanning enhancer yer soon to be bronzed and muscular beach bod has ever adorned itself in. It’s also a pretty good lube for the inevitable brokeback moment. Better than just spit in my experience.11Other uses: It’s anti-bacterial and anti-microbial, a great alternative to showering. You can brush yer teeth with it, seriously! Use it to service yer undercarriage to keep saddle sores at bay. Brooks saddle moisturizer. Keep a beach olfactory atmosphere going through the wintär with it.
  3. Ingredient #3: Protein. I recommend tempeh for the vegetarians, and high-qual venison or bison jerky for the heartless, cruel, and unconscionable carnivores with no future world views.
  4. Ingredient #4: Micronutrients. Micronutrients needn’t be packed in yer bags. They’re everywhere you look, and far more nutritious than anything you can buy at the store. Weeds brü. Choice: lamb’s quarters, nettles, watercress, sheep sorrel. Not So Choice (but still good for you): dandelion22It’s everywhere, and makes kale’s nutrition read like iceberg lettuce. Since when did you eat kale for the taste anyway?, common plantain (not bananas), or basically anything green. It’s near impossible to poison yourself with greens. Trust yer instincts. Try a corner of something, and if it makes yer mouth do somersaults, you probably shouldn’t eat it. It’s how we managed for 12,000 years, until about 150 years ago. You may be a computer nerd with spindly fingers and a translucent visage, but you still have the DNA of A GREAT WARRIOR.
  5. Ingredient #5: Carbo. For a quick and easy one, add one or two of yer pre-baked sweet potatoes. Just chop em up. Alternatively use an ancient grain. If it’s not ancient, then don’t eat it. It’s not #cool if it’s not ancient. Two quick cooking (10-15 min) ones are quinoa and millet. Quinoa is choice if yer not socially conscious and don’t care about starving children in Peru no longer being able to afford their staple food. But it tastes great, and it’s a superfood! Plus we are AMERICANS, and that shit is cheap for us! Millet is even cheaper, and is comparable in nutrition, but it doesn’t taste as good IMO.
  6. Step #1: Get yer ti bowl on the stove or fire.
  7. Step #2: Add a cup of water.
  8. Step #3: Add a bullion cube.
  9. Step #4: Simmer down from a boil.
  10. Step #5: Add yer ancient, antique grain (optional) and coconut oil and cover.
  11. Step #6: Simmer for 10 minutes then add yer protein and chopped greens.
  12. Step #7: Cook for another 5:00-7:23 and add yer baked sweet potatoes.
  13. Step #8: FIN!

Eight FYIs

  1. The people of Vermont are kind and patient. But once you step/ride across stateliness, be prepared for some animosity.
  2. Maple syrup is not as readily available as you might think. Be prepared.
  3. Even though it’s not as readily available as you might think, maple syrup will still get everywhere, even if you only use it once.
  4. Zoar.
  5. If you aren’t into the artisanal side of life, please don’t come to Vermont. You’ll hate it.
  6. It is haunted here, and you’re going to have to deal with it.
  7. Barefoot Brad is a legend, not a myth.
  8. Ticks are everywhere and they show no mercy.