Results for
2015 Tour de San Luis

2015 Tour de San Luis: Día Dos

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Length: 185.3km KOMs: Alto La Florida, Cat 3 (65.7km), Mirador de Portrero de los Funes, Cat 1 (185.3km, Finish) Sprints: El Durazino (38.8km), Calle 9 de Julio (129.7km) Weather: Thunderstorms, floods, high-winds, imminent showers, but mostly just cloudy though. Objectives: To kiss Kiel Reijnen in an awkward and unseemly manner. Then, after the moment is good and uncomfortable for everyone involved (MFS, Kiel, witnesses, etc.), say “That’s from Jordan, your wife, as per her express command.” Oh and umm, photograph the bicycle riding part of the race this time. Accommodations: Hotel Huarpes Rooms 128 & 132 Today’s HACU count: 9 (see below, 12:15 PM) Today’s One to Grow on, Brought to You by the City of San Luis: Did you know that you can have your tires patched at 12:09 AM for 50 pesos? Well, you can! Number of Strange (as in unknown) Argentine Senior Citizens Who Insisted Keiran Kiss Them on the Cheek(s) Mwaa-mwaa-style Today: Number of Family Scooter/Mopeds seen today: 17 Wifi Fuerza: The wifi in Argentina is worse than the wifi in France. Then, tonight at approximately 11:35 PM—this is Daniel speaking by the way—after being forcibly, fruitlessly, forced into rotating through all three of Huarpe’s useless networks, again, throughout all of my five minute poop, the toilet was unable to flush all my turds, of which there were two. It got one, left one. I flushed again but the toilet was still cycling and not yet up to full power. I waited thirty seconds, I know this because I counted. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, ocho, nueve, diez, once, doce, thirteen, whatever, the whole way to thirty, and still the toilet was, based on the noise it made, at about 15% power. This after a day spent rotating through cellular networks because in Argentina, like in Europe, one get’s bumped off that nice 3G shit and put on some off-brand E shit over and over and over again. I’m sure it’s like a script or code written into the software as per a G8 agreement regarding AT&T customers traveling abroad, and like yeah, I’m sure Randall L. Stephenson is all, “Give my people service and stuff but just please make sure it’s super tedious. Make it so they have to periodically go into their iPhone settings, because who doesn’t look forward to that?, and switch Cellular Networks from Automatic to Manual, and if that doesn’t work, they can do that whole P-trick where you have to toggle back and forth between Library or Airport or whatever forcing their phones to reconnect with the network and maybe land, for a minute or two, back on that good 3G for five minutes tops, basically just long for Gmail to let them know they have new emails but not long enough for them to load and be readable.” I think I did that about 35 times today. Anyway back to the poop thing because the way I see it, it all comes down to the same issue: there I was again in a situation where I needed more capacity, more bandwith. I’m sending, but Argentina is not receiving, anyway I’m sure you know what I’m saying. Pipes, fiber optics, Instagram, turds, texts, it’s all about connectivity. Like it or not, it’s all in the game and Manual for Speed’s out here trying to function.

ALEX HOWES TOUR DOWN UNDER DREAM LOG, NIGHT #1

Chippo and I illegally harvested a kidney from a Russian supermodel (selected for her delicate bone structure) and put it in a kangaroo to help start a race of pigmy kangaroos which we then sold to Hollywood movie stars.

A CHRONOLOGICAL REPORT OF DÍA DOS’ EVENTS UNTIL THIS REPORT WAS FILED

 

12:15 PM: We’re at the Havanna Cafe in downtown San Luis just off of Pringle Plaza. Havanna Cafe with two ‘n’s translates in American to a combination Starbucks and See’s Candy. It’s maybe the one place in non-Buenos Aires Argentina that you can get acortado para llevar, they sell popular Gift Sweets and they are a chain. They also sell about a dozen variations of ham and cheese sandwiches. Sure everything on their breakfast and lunch menu starts with a description alluding to something different, something unique and exciting, but in the end it all comes down to jamon y queso. Cocido, cruda, it’s all ham. This is not unique to Havanna, this is everywhere in Argentina. As far as we can tell there about thirteen or fourteen different variations of Ham And Cheese Units (HACU) readily available around the country.

12:57 PM: Cortados—an espresso “cut” with a small amount of steamed/warm milk—come in all shapes and sizes. No two cortados are alike. Even within a single batch, say an order of tres cortados grandes for the table, there is often a great deal of variation in the type and size of glass and/or mug the cortado is served in; as well as milkiness, foam, volume, color, etc. Unlike their North American cousins the mocha and the latte, cortados do not adhere to a strict doctrine of discipline wherein consistency and repeatability are paramount. They are wild and elusive, and sometimes they come with coffee grounds in the bottom of the glass.

1:35 PM: In the car on the way to the town of La Punta: “If you think about it, a lot of the time professional cyclists are on some kinda white collar criminal mobile house arrest. They travel around the world often visiting highly desirable top-tier destinations, staying the whole time in nice if not baller hotels, which, for the majority of their time in any one place, they can’t leave. And while they’re not required, physically-speaking, to wear an ankle bracelet, if they did, theirs would beep loudly every time they took more than 36 steps in a row or ate 100 calories too many an hour.”

2:45 PM: Everybody, regardless of geographic, cultural, religious, sexual or any other orientation, loves doing a River Charge to a 180 E-brake Slide in a rental car. Everybody.

3:35 PM: “Are these towns coming or going?, like, are they in a period of decline and neglect, or is this what revival and renewal looks like in the town of El Durazno?”

4:09 PM: In Argentina dogs own themselves. In this, a post-ownership world, they come and go at will. Mostly though they just sleep on stairs, they LOVE stairs.

4:11 PM: We had big plans for the Water Feature from earlier today—the one we bossed to the delight of all—as the original route took the riders back through it (in the opposite direction) after Lake Florida. We were so excited!!! about the prospect of photoshooting the Peloton splashing through it that we based most of the second half of our day entirely around the concept. IMAGINE THAT SPLASH!!!!!!, then they changed the course, DEAR RACE ORGANIZERS NOT COOL, we did not agree to this, we did not sign up for this.

5:09 PM: Dear Thick Babes, if you feel like you are super under-appreciated where you live, like in America for example, relocate to Argentina immediately. Don’t even bother to pack because all you need down here is a bikini bottom, a pair of jeans, and a handful of tee-shirts—and they sell all that shit here anyway, probs in better colors and styles than what you got. Seriously stop wasting time and bring that badonkadonk down here!

5:33 PM: While photoshooting the Peloton racing through a Toll Booth, Emiliano met and befriended a Doctor who owns and operates a motorcycle. The Doctor was curious why Emiliano, a badge wearing and fully credentialed photographer, was not on a moto. Emiliano explained that the process was a little bit involved and tedious, and that we didn’t know a licensed/certified driver. The Doctor explained that he would be happy to do it. Emiliano asked what about registering you and your motorcycle, the Doctor said, “What, what are they going to do or ask or check?” Phone numbers were exchanged, plans were outlined.

6:35 PM: Como se dice, “Please no thumbs up?”

6:45 PM: On the way up the mountain we pass many men carrying colorful commercial-type coolers on shoulder straps—Ice Cream Sherpas.

6:57 PM: At first glance the hey can I have a water bottle gesture is easily misinterpreted as an homage or reference to the Shake Weight.

110:47 PM: If you’re in a bad mood or sad or just looking for a pick-me-up, ask Siri to say the name of this street: Chacabuco.

11:45 PM: We changed the right rear tire on our rental car in less than eight minutes.

TODAY’S LETTER TO THE EDITOR:

FROM: Diego Javier Santilli
RE: Tour De San Luis

Hello Guys!, My name is Diego, and I apologize for taking your mailbox with this, but I have no twitter account or facebook, and wanted to send you a greeting. I am a fan of Manual for Speed for a while, and surprise come and see that you are covering the “Tour de San Luis” !!. I live in Buenos Aires, and I hope to be in San Luis for the stages of the weekend, I’m not sure I could do it, due to my work. But if I go, I will search you, to make a selfie with you guys!.

Congratulations on your page, it’s really great. I’m looking forward to your reports. Being from here, if you give any wrong information about Argentina, I will correct you. It’s a joke !.

Congratulations again and have a nice stay in San Luis.

Sorry for my bad English, is a mixture of what I learned in elementary school and Google Translator.

 

THE DIEGO UPDATE!!!!!!!

MFS made contact with Diego and it turns out he might be here, in San Luis, this weekend. If he can make it there is talk of a #SeflieSession in a public pool!

La Punta / Start

TRAVEL ETIQUETTE IN ARGENTINA, ACCORDING TO VAYAMA.COM, "DON'T MAKE THE 'OK' SIGN OR GIVE A 'THUMBS UP.' BOTH OF THOSE ARE CONSIDERED VULGAR."
NAMES OF CAMOUFLAGE PATTERNS WORLDWIDE INCLUDE: FRENCH TIGER STRIPE, PORTUGUESE LIZARD, BLEEDING VINES, SCRAMBLED EGG, DESERT JIGSAW, AND SEAWEED
ACCORDING TO ASKMEN, WHITE MEN SHOULD NEVER WEAR WHITE SOCKS, BECAUSE: THEY ARE HARD TO MATCH AND GET DIRTY EASILY.
IN ARGENTINA, MEN DON’T FEEL COMFORTABLE URINATING WHILE STANDING IMMEDIATELY ADJACENT TO OTHER MEN. (SOURCE: ARGENTINEPOST.COM)
LA PUNTA, FEATURING PLAZA DE LOS NIÑOS (BOTTOM RIGHT).
ADVANTAGES OF USING CHIRINO 8X13 HOLLOW BRICKS: STANDARD SIZING THROUGH STRICT QUALITY CONTROL, THEY SAVE TIME AND MONEY, AND PROVIDE MAXIMUM ADHERENCE IN HIGH TEMPERATURES.

Pre- and Post-Embalse Florida

BOCA JUNIORS WAS SPONSORED BY PEPSI FROM 2001, TO 2003
"HEY, I CAN BE THE ANSWER, I'M READY TO DANCE WHEN THE VAMP UP, AND WHEN I HIT THAT DIP GET YOUR CAMERA, YOU CAN SEE I BEEN THAT BITCH SINCE THE, PAMPER" LYRICS TO THE SONG 212 BY AZEALIA BANKS, FEARUTING LAZY JAY
THE EARLIEST SURVIVING EXAMPLES OF PRE-COLUMBIAN TIE-DYE ARE FROM PERU, AND DATE BACK TO 500 TO 810 AD.

Mirador del Potrero

Bonus: Kommuter Alley-Kat

WORLD CHAMPION MICHAŁ KWIATKOWSKI THANKED MFS DRIVER EMILIANO GRANADO FOR MOVING TO THE RIGHT AND LETTING THE "COMMUTER ALLEY CAT" THROUGH. YOU'RE WELCOME MICHAŁ KWIATKOWSKI.

Bonus: Men at Work Pictorial feat. a Sneak Peek at the Upcoming SHIBORI SPEED Shirt by MFS

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