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Right Place ✓ Right Time ✓ Right Train ✓

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Start – Stop: Moss Vale – Yass Junction – Tumut

Distance: 78.3 mi.

Elevation Gain: 4373 ft.

Riding Time: 7:18:29

Time Awake Spent in Pursuit of The Trip, Roughly: 11:00:00

Weather: Pleasant, trending towards too pleasant.

Day 04 Objects & Points of Interest

  1. Get to Tumut.
  2. Ride in a field alongside kangaroos.
  3. Spend some time on the shores of a billabong talking about ute upgrades with locals.
  4. Eat a parmi.

A Brief Timeline of our Multi-Modal Journey from Moss Vale to Tumut

  1. 9:30am: Arrive at the Moss Vale station and box our bikes for the train.
  2. 9:47am: Lachlan and Kyle receive a verbal warning about standing too close to the tracks.
  3. 9:57am: Daniel takes a photos of all the bikes stacked on top of each other, “That stack is worth like 13,000 dollars or something.” This becomes known as the Goulburn Bike Stack.
  4. 10:00am: ALL ABOARD!
  5. 10:00am to 11:15am: The woman just across the aisle talks incessantly in a foreign tongue, seemingly narrating the objects passing by outside the window like a Rain Man Bob Uecker.
  6. 11:16am: Disembark in Yass.
  7. 11:17am: Disrobe and gear up for riding in Yass. Kevin Franks still has the body of a calendar model.
  8. 11:17am: Turns out the rest of us have the bodies of calendar models too. Just not a calendar anyone with an appetite or hope would buy.
  9. 11:20am: The older female station manager cruises our scene and casually lets us know that water is available at the other end of the station.
  10. 11:21am: Did she wink?
  11. 11:45am: We start riding.
  12. 11:53am: We choose to believe she did, in fact, wink.
  13. 12:03pm: The crew stops at a Woolies on the outskirts of Yass to fuel up on Cokes, meat pies, candy bars, and water.
  14. 12:34pm: We’re successfully outside of Yass. The roads are nearly empty, the sky is azure and clear, and spirits are high.
  15. 1:30pm: Lachlan, “Yeah, like Australia’s never really flat, you’re either going up or down. But it’s not flat.”
  16. 1:45pm: We roll into Wee Jasper and there is a store/hut/building there with all the trappings of a really fine burger/shake/popsicle joint.
  17. 1:46pm: It starts to set in that maybe the Wee Jasper store/hut/building is not open for business, i.e. the windows are shuttered, the door is barred, the water is turned off, and there is are no signs of life around anywhere.
  18. 1:47pm: Uhhhhhhhh…
  19. 1:53pm: We finally agree to accept that this store may not be open.
  20. 1:58pm: We’ve accepted that this store is not open. That means no burgers/shakes/popsicles/water until we reach Tumut.
  21. 2:05pm: The two-track starts.
  22. 2:36pm: The road leads us through a tree plantation.
  23. 2:37pm: Flies. If you stop, the flies like to find the edges, you know like the edges of your eyes or nose or ears. I figure they need attention, they want you to acknowledge their existence, in fact they demand it.
  24. 3:36pm: Its seems we have reached the top of the climb.
  25. 3:54pm: Nope.
  26. 4:22pm: The sign gives us a choice: 31k or 27k to Tumut. We can ride pavement or we can ride gravel. We’re not savages.
  27. 6:22pm: Arrive at the Woolies in Tumut. Drink some Cokes. Chill on the sidewalk.
  28. 6:58pm: Check into our hotel.
  29. 7:45pm: Head to the hotel restaurant for dinner.
  30. 7:48pm: Find out our arrival for dinner is a lit-tall bit of a surprise.
  31. 7:53pm: Turns out the cook is good (the best in town the owner says) but a touch ornery.
  32. 8:11pm: Our food starts arriving. Not bad. Not bad at all.
  33. 8:53pm: As it so happens the ornery cook takes a shine to our little quartet of travelers, going so far as to prepare us a plate of mango for dessert.
  34. 9:12pm to Z:ZZpm: Watch James Bond’s Quantum of Solace and fade into the night.

Communication is a KEY component to an effective and efficient investigation of a culture. In order to 1) understand what people are saying, 2) fit in, 3) keep your foot out of your mouth [You won’t make the mistake of telling your wife you’re looking forward to sharing a coupla sluzzas with friends after dinner because you assumed a sluzza was a mixed ice drink not unlike a blended margarita.], and 4) demonstrate respect via a willingness and excitement to learn, Yonder Journal collaborated with a team of Australian Linguists and Cultural Anthropologists to create an interactive glossary module of common expressions. Especially those which we’d be likely to hear and/or use in the context of a Normcore Bicycle Tour in the Australian In-and-Outback.

CHOCKERS: full, full-up.

DROP BEAR: a predatory, carnivorous version of a koala. Their existence has been disputed for several hundred years. While some ignorant assholes in Sydney believe the drop bear is a hoax in contemporary Australian folk lore, many of the world’s leading archaeologists and scientists believe that drop bears are totes real.

Bowral to Yass Junction

This morning we were fortunate enough to catch a train from Moss Vale to Yass Junction. Right place ✓ right time ✓ right train ✓. We disembarked in Yass and immediately found ourselves on quiet country roads as we snaked towards a spot on the map called Wee Jasper.

Just like the sign says.
A little Sherwood Anderson vibe down under.
Charisma is something you're born with. It can't be cultivated, nurtured, or a taught. You either have it, or you don't. Mr. Morton falls squarely into the "has it" category.
"Would you look at that Martha, what a fine specimen!" "We don't see many like that around Moss Vale, do we Vicky?" "No we don't Martha, just look at the legs on him. What a sight."
THE CART GOULBURN STATION HAS BEEN LOOKING FOR Just so we’re all clear, this cart has been misappropriated. This image was definitely taken in Moss Vale—NOT Goulburn. Which, when you think about it, doesn't it seem like the name of these towns are straight out of a Lemony Snicket novel? Moss Vale! Goulburn! Next stop Shrieksville! That said, we understand why it was stolen. It's a great cart—sturdy, runs true, no wheels wiggling around, only minor squeaks. THE BIKE STACK Any traveling cyclist wonders how their bicycle is handled when it leaves your sight. How are those finely tuned wheels are being tweaked and torqued? What kind of acute and instant impacts being applied to your frame? How is that rear derailleur (the Achilles' heel of the bicycle) holding up at the bottom of the pile? We do too. Rest assured there’s cardboard, which is basically extra thick paper. Like newspaper or wrapping paper or printer paper only a little thicker. Exactly the thing you’d expect to protect your ride from the rigorous jostling and bumping of life in the storage hold of a rapidly moving mass transit machine. We looked at this and thought, “I’d like my bike to be in good shape when it gets to where we're going, but we're not going to count on it.” Is there a Donald Judd thing happening here? Club Sandwich anyone?

Yass Junction

Franks - Body of a Hunk. Lachlan - Body of a Cyclist. The difference might be subtle, but look hard enough and you'll see it.
Yeah, there's something going on here.

Yass Junction to Wee Jasper

It seems notable enough to note that everything was closed in Wee Jasper. Even the school. However we did discover a switch from pavement to dirt track, and from there we climbed into the company of a horde of flies, which Lachlan told us had blown in from the desert with the western winds.

To be clear we all wanted to go here, and there was more than a brief discussion around just staying at Swaggers for the remainder of the trip. In the end the numbers just didn't add up. Math, always a stick in the mud.
Seeing this, we started to get the impression that the Wee Jasper store might be closed.
We could have just Bill & Ted-ed ourselves back to a time when the Wee Jasper Hamburger and Milkshake shack was open, but either Rufus is a punk or our music sucks because this sorry time machine was stuck in the present.

Wee Jasper to Tumut

Clouds of little black buzzing buggers harried us up and over the hill to our final destination of Tumut where we were late to dinner and thus heavily scrutinized.
We should take the unsealed road.

This is all about adventure, gravel riding, exploring the unknown. So what if Google Maps indicates that going down the gravel path might take us over some REALLY steep pitches?

We should take the sealed road.

Hey, my legs are cramping, I mean even Lachlan looks hot and kinda tired. And he's like, a professional.

We should take the unsealed road.

Yeah I guess you’re kind right, I mean if Lachlan looks a little overheated, that's saying something; he’s raced some real-deal races. But still, gravel you know, lets grind it.

We should take the sealed road.

You go ahead, I think we’re going to take the pavement in.

We should take the unsealed road.

But I'm you, where you go I go. I can't go this way if you go that way.

We should take the sealed road.

Well... you, me, us, whatever. We’re going on the pavement.


Cokes. Coconut Water. Candy Bars. At this point it doesn't matter, at this point your body is a consumption machine stuck in hyperdrive, at this point all bets/rules/guidelines are off.
#Syd2Mel amulets. Not available to the public... or are they?
Interior Design.
Interior Sunsets.
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