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The crew (except for Lachlan) thusly maintained hyper-vigilance in our search for koalas.

Start – Finish: Wollongong – Bowral

Distance: 64.6 mi

Elevation Gain: 5552 ft.

Riding Time: 4:11:34

Time Awake Spent in Pursuit of The Trip, Roughly: 7:00:00

Weather: Pretty much cold and wet all day, as in put on all the riding clothes you brought with you cold. As in Lachlan and Kevin bought rain jackets in “the gonger” cold.

Day 02 Points of Interests & Objectives

  1. Ride to Bowral.
  2. Visit Jamberoo.
  3. Eat food along the way.
  4. Hang out with some Koala Bears.
  5. Take some great pictures.
  6. Get recognized on the road and sign autographs.

A Brief Timeline of our Ride from Wollongong to Bowral

  1. 9:15am: Lachlan goes for a swim in the forbidden waters off of the Wollongong Surf Leisure Resort. We don’t know why it was closed but we suspect Tiger Sharks.
  2. 9:23am: Final bicycle repairs take place in the Surf Leisure Car park; cheerful but unsolicited advice is received from a smoking Surf Leisure neighbor.
  3. 9:45am: Back along the beach towards a oceanfront breakfast.
  4. 9:46am: Wollongong is playing host to a Beach Comp this morning, so we spectate.
  5. 9:50am: Breakfast at Diggies. We’d seen this place the day before (in the midst of our hotel quest) and, to use the parlance of our time, we dropped a pin. Because who doesn’t want to enjoy a tidy little breakfast on the beach while some nippers in their budgy smugglers test their mettle for the chance to compete in the ultimate lifeguarding crucible, the Coolangatta Gold. It’s like having eggs and toast in Nero’s coliseum, only the the amount of flayed Christians and punctured Gladiators is nothing compared to the olden days
  6. 10:30am: On the road to Jamberoo.
  7. 11:45am: Stop at the Delicia Convenience Store.
  8. 12:12pm: Pass the turnoff to Jamberoo. The road is flooded, so we’re having a water park experience for free!
  9. 12:13pm–2:45pm: Jamberoo Pass. This road is SO steep; there are sections where it feels like you’re staring at blackboard in detention hall or the black monolith from 2001 rising in front of your wheel.
  10. 12:14pm: Did I mention it was raining? Yep, it was raining. But instead of the pitter patter we dealt with in Wollongong, the rain in Jamberoo pass had a strong jungle/flash flood vibe.
  11. 12:17pm: We see a koala warning sign.
  12. 12:17pm to 2:00pm: The crew (except for Lachlan) maintains hyper-vigilance in our search for koalas.
  13. 2:00pm-ish: The crew (including Lachlan) comes to the realization that no koala in their right mind would be out having a holiday in this monsoon.
  14. 3:03pm: We rendezvous at Robertson Pie Shop where the obviously below-working-age girl behind the counter has done her hair in long thin braids à la Anthony Kiedis from Blood Sugar Sex Magic. The braids apparently don’t improve fluency with the cash machine.
  15. 3:56pm: Fear of going back out into the cold and finishing our ride into Bowral.
  16. 4:40pm: It’s actually not raining and the riding is kind of pleasant.
  17. 5:30pm: We arrive at the Bowral Pub & Hotel. Lachlan bets on the dish lickers while we check in.
  18. 5:32pm: He wins.
  19. 5:33pm: He buys a round of Carlton Draughts with his winnings.
  20. 6:17pm: Cold showers in the Bowral Pub & Hotel Bunker.
  21. 6:45pm: Dinner at Bowral Thai.
  22. 8:00pm: Party hopping on the Bowral Strip.
  23. 11:00pm-ish: Lachlan requests Hotline Bling and the Dance Floor LIGHTS UP!!!!
  24. 12:00am-ish: We get back to the Hotel Bunker and Kyle discovers someone else’s blood on the frames of his glasses and on his shorts. Kyle does not know how he collected this forensic evidence, or what it’s evidence of.
  25. 12:00pm-ish: The group comes to the simple conclusion that WILD shit goes down in Bowral.


Lachlan went swimming here. Apparently he’s already gone through Tiger Shark training.
Dude in the red is the epitome of an arm chair mechanic. His advice game was unreal.
This is a ute. Basically an Australian El Camino/Ranchero/Brat. These babies are everywhere and they’re frequently tricked out. I wonder if the Fast and Furious franchise is going to do an sequel in Oz? I’d really love to see how Ludacris would deck out his whip.
AGAIN with the Diverging. #PRO #PRO #PRO #PRO #PRO.
Tiger shark training graduation day. Its pretty straightforward, those who don’t come back, don’t graduate.

Back on the Road

This is the Delicia Convenience store. Kevin is smiling because we just saw a young woman with an interesting tattoo.


By Kyle von Hoetzendorff

I actually didn’t go into the Delicia; I wasn’t in need of any convenience at the moment, despite the convenience of the Delicia. Instead I, found it more convenient to hang out under the awning of the Delicia and think about the cold rain, which we hadn’t expected, which we thought we had left at home in Portland, OR, which was going to force me to put on all the riding gear that I had brought, and which was going to soak me to the bone and grind my gears (both literally and figuratively). While I stood there thinking about cold rain a girl walked past. She was wearing jeans with a hole torn in them mid-thigh, and peeking out was a pair of monstrous green eyes set in a purple goblin’s face. The sight was both deeply curious and abjectly repugnant at the same time. Why the face of a purple goblin? Why mid thigh? Did she rip all of her jeans in the same spot? What about her ski pants? Were there other faces in other places? Was the intent of this to scare predators (like dogs or five-year-olds) with eyes at thigh level? I never got the chance to ask.

SANCTUARY. The pies were tasty, the coffee was burnt but hot, and they allowed us to sit there, dripping cold rainwater all over their floor.


Moments before the dance floor caught fire and blood literally started to spill.
♫ You used to call me on my cell phone ♫
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