MOVIES BY MICHAEL
Part One: Team CLIF Bar Cycling: 24 Movies in 11 Days
“While competing in Tour of America’s Dairyland, Team CLIF Bar Cycling not only raced in professional level criteriums for 11 consecutive days, but Team CLIF Bar Cycling also undertook the challenge of watching 24 movies, including the complete Harry Potter series.”
- Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance
- Fast and Furious
- Guilliver’s Travels
- District 9
- Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone
- Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets
- Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban
- Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire
- Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix
- Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince
- Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows – Part 1
- Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows – Part 2
- Lord of the Rings: Fellowship of the Ring Extended Edition
- Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers Extended Edition
- Lord of the Rings: Return of the King Extended Edition
- Office Space
- The Pink Panther
- Get Smart
- The Princess Bride
- The Pest
Part Two: CLIF Notes: Harry Potter (Vols. I–VII) Summary, by Michael Jasinski
From: Michael Jasinski <*****@yahoo.com>
Date: Wed, Jul 2, 2014 at 10:16 PM
Subject: Harry potter
To: Manual for Speed <[email protected]>
The story began with the story’s eponymous character Harry Potter living with an adopted family since Harry sadly lost his parents at a young age. This situation was depressing as Harry seemed unhappy with living in a closet and being second fiddle to the family’s son #STARTED FROMTHEBOTTEM. Things got better for Harry after he went to the zoo for a birthday party and discovered he could talk to snakes, shortly after this discovery, an owl delivered a letter to Harry at the family’s house inviting him to Hogwarts. Turns outs, Hogwarts is a school that trains kids to become wizards. Harry was informed of this by Hagrid, a beastly man who works at Hogwarts. Hagrid took Harry in under his wing, explaining nuances of the school and taking him school shopping to get his magic wand. In addition Harry learned that he in fact was a wizard and the scar on his forehead meant he was sorta a big deal in the wizardry circle.
Harry got to Hogwarts by a train he boarded by running a shopping cart with suitcases and a bird cage in it through a brick pillar at stop 9 ¾ of the station. Once at Hogwarts, Harry began his magic schooling. The school principle is Dumbledoor, an elder character who acted as a mentor to Harry, providing helpful insights and instruction on wizardry. The school was broken up into groups similarly to how my middle school was broken up into ‘modes’ (I was in Polaris Mode). These ‘modes’ were selected by putting on a talking witch hat. Harry put on the hat and got Grifindorf. In Grifindorf, he quickly made two friends, Herminey (smart, loyal, and total babe) and Ron (clumsy, drama queen, and most likely big fan of the hippy lettuce). The rivals to Grifindorf are Sitheren, Hufflepuff, and Ravenclaw, but the main rival was Sitheren and the big cheese in the group was the Malfoy a snobby, slick blond hair, entitled kid in Sitheren.
At school Harry discovered he was a hella good broom flyer. This made him the obvious choice to be the seeker on the Grifindorf quidich team. Quidich is by far the most popular sport for wizards and the seeker is the glory position so Harry was essentially the High School quarterback of Hogwarts #HOGWARTSWIZARDYSCHOOLQUIDICHRULES.
All was not sunshine, rainbows and broomsticks however, things got real beginning in Harry’s second year at Hogwarts. First before going back to school, an elf warned Harry not to go back to school. Harry disregarded the creatures advice, the when he tried to go through the brick pillar (9 3/4s), he kept getting blocked by the bricks and missed the train. Resiliently, Harry and his friend Ron took Ron’s parents car and flew to school in time for the New Year. The ominous spiral continued as Harry was exposed to dark magic classes taught by Professor Snake and became increasingly involved with involved with saving Hogwarts from the Dark Magic leader Lord Voldamore.
Lord Voldamore is the main protagonist to Harry Potter, and all well-meaning wizards for that matter. Voldamore is the incarnation of Tom Ridddle, a former Hogwart wizard who turned himself into a demon villain whose goal is to rid of ‘mudblood’ wizards and take over Hogwrats. At first Harry interacts with Voldamore by writing question on paper and to which Voldamore’s answers appear in ink. Harry battled Voldamore but couldn’t kill him for good.
Harry soon realized he was in for it against Voldamore so he consulted his mentor Dombledoor the school principle to learn about Voldamore past. Harry discovered that in order to defeat Voldamore and save Hogwarts, he had to destroy 7 ‘holecruxes’ that Voldamore created. The holecurxes contained part of Voldamore sole. With that task at hand, Harry and his friends Ron and Herminey set out to destroy the holcruxes. Things got apocalyptic at Hogwatrs, the trios destroyed a number of holcruxes but hadn’t got all of them by the time Malfoy confronted and cornered Dumbledoor in an attempt to kill him. Before Malfoy could ‘abra cadabra’ (death spell) Professor Snake appeared and ‘abra cadabraed’ Dumbledoor. Although Dumbldoor died, which you would think make Voldamore happy, the evil ruler wasn’t satisfied and ended up killing Snake so he could acquire the Elder wand and become the ruler. or so Voldamore thought.Harry saw the dieing Snake and captured one of his tears in a glass vile. Harry poured the tear in sink and much of Harrys past and reveal why things are so crazy at Hogwarts.
Harry learned that Voldamore killed Harrys Mom with Harry in the room. This meant that a holecrux was inside Harry.so for Voldamore to die, all the holecruxes had to be destroyed so.Harry had to die. But, Harry also learned that Snake was in cahoots with Dumbledoor and Snake killed him so that Voldamore couldn’t kill him first and inherit the elder wand so. Harry realized that he had to surrender and get killed by to Voldamore so the last holecrux was destroyed and then kill Voldemore so he wouldn’t go on haunting and in charge of the wizardry world
Harry followed the plan, surrendering himself and getting ‘abra cadabered’ by Voldemore. After getting ‘abra cadabered’ Harry went to a heavenly state and talked with Dumbledoor. While in the heavenly state, Harry’s body is returned to Hogwarts.and everyone, including Voldemore thinks Harry is dead until an unassuming wizard, destroyed the last holecrux. Harry immediately awoke and began dueling Voldamore. The duel was epic and Harry won when each other’s magicwand’s spells were locked and backfired against Voldemore. This caused him to shatter. With Voldemore gone, Harry Potter won the elder wand #STARTEDFROMTHEBOTTEM #NOWHARRYSHERE which he prominently smashed and tossed in the vein of Eddy Van Halen and Hogwarts returned to a peaceful good place again.
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PETE’S PRIME PRIMER BY PETE
First, lets get this straight: primes represent immediate satisfaction. Winning just one prime can make an entire race worthwhile. The trick to becoming a better Prime Racer is to throw yourself in 100% and be satisfied with your performance whatever the outcome.
Evaluating Prime Prizes value is a subjective exercise which ultimately comes down to a unique and ever shifting cocktail of personal taste, need, desire and current situational outlook.
I remember as a new rider, I hated buying tires. Why would I spend $100 on something that was going to wear out? I’m pretty sure I won every tire Prime I heard announced because it made my life so much easier. In fact, I won so many tire Primes I ended up giving tires away at some point. I figured either everyone else loved buying tires or my hatred for purchasing tires inspired in me a form of supernatural strength and/or ambition. Some racers go for Coffee Primes, or Pizza Primes, or even the Beer Primes. Find your niche, grow your confidence, and get ready to start stockpiling.
- Go all in. Tiring yourself out to win one is worthwhile.
- Play to your strengths. Whether it’s diesel power, cornering, or sprinting. Make sure you are in control of your attack.
- Use other riders. Covering attacks knowing that you are getting the free ride gives you the edge and positioning to do it.
- Split primes. If you have a strong group working that has a chance, don’t blow it for an extra $50 or whatever.
- Practice. Commit to a whole race of going for every prime and see how they each shake out. Remember what works.
- Find the others. There are always guys looking to do the same thing you are, make sure to cue off them.
- Listen carefully. Getting a set of tire levers when you think you scored $750 can be a little disappointing.
- Give up. Other people will give up all the way until the last second. Take it all the way.
- Write yourself off. There are always more primes, and figuring out how to win them is half of the fun.
- Blow the race. If you are gunning for the win, keep it in your pants. Wins are always better than primes.
- Be picky. Winning things, no matter what it is, is rad. Enjoy what you are able to do.
- Be scared. Hanging on isn’t racing. Attacking and pushing yourself makes it an actual race.
- Screw anybody. Racers always remember when someone takes a prime from them, especially if it isn’t fair and square.
PRIME PRIZES ((Ordered from most to least desirable.))
- Water Park Tickets
- Cash > $100
- Large Pizzas
- Custom Jerseys
- Cash > $50
- All-You-Can-Eat Buffet
- Bicycling product you are already sponsored by, but have an insufficient amount of
- Teeth Cleaning
- Gift Card in the town of the race
- Bicycling product you are already sponsored by and have a sufficient amount
- Bicycling product that you will never use (Bartape, Hats, Gloves, Socks)
- Tire levers
“Primes are the one night stand of race prizes; they are frequently forgotten but they sure are fun. After the prime the people who are exhausted from losing the sprint are jettisoned to the back. That’s the walk of shame.”