Guys, guys, guys, guys this is what you need to know about Roswell. We got there late thanks to all the #champchillers at Gaimon’s party earlier in the day, we met the mayor, we ate some chicken, we talked to Evan Murphy about friendship, sincerity, responsibilities, the results of a scouting report we conducted on his behalf without his knowledge and stuff like that, then a thunderstorm blew in and it rained and rained and rained and rained. We partied with all the racers under an awning in the parking lot of a broken down gas station. Then the race suddenly started. It rained the whole time. It looked exceptionally dangerous. There were puddles and most if not all of the spectators without duties, obligations and/or substantial overhead cover left like four laps in. Speaking of leaving, half the field left like 8 laps in. There was a break which break was sincere. The race ended. We ate barbecue. The end.
A BRIEF BUT COMPLETE LIST OF CATS ABOUT ROSWELL: THE TOWN, THE RACE, THE SPECTACLE! BY KLAUS.
- Roswell is a city in northern Fulton County, Georgia. It’s a northern suburb of Atlanta.
- Roswell is located at 34°2′2″N 84°20′39″W (34.033896, −84.344028).
- 43.9% of residents of Roswell have an associates degree.
- CNN named Roswell #76 on its list of the Top 100 Places to Live in the US in 2010.
- In 2010, it had a population of 88,346.
- The Consulate-General of Honduras in Atlanta is actually located 600 Houze Way, Suite 3 in Roswell.
- In 1830, while on a trip to northern Georgia, Roswell King passed through the area of what is now Roswell and observed the great potential for building a cotton mill along Vickery Creek. Since the land nearby was also good for plantations, his idea was to put cotton processing near cotton production. Toward the middle of the 1830s, King returned to build a mill that would soon become the largest in North Georgia – Roswell Mill.
- Roswell King (1765 – February 15, 1844) was an American businessman, planter and industrialist.
- During the American Civil War, the city was captured by Union forces under the leadership of General Kenner Garrard.
- Major highways: State Route 9, State Route 92, State Route 120, State Route 140, State Route 400
- According to a 2007 estimate, the median income for a household in the city was $73,469, and the median income for a family was $103,698.
- High Schools: Centennial High School, Crossroads Second Chance North Alternative School, Roswell High School
- #1 attraction in Roswell according to TripAdvisor: the Chattahoochee Nature Center.
- The League of American Bicyclists gives Roswell a Bronze rating.
- The 2014 Historic Roswell Criterium will include a “Safety Rodeo” for kids
- According to the race’s website, this is what it takes to takes to win the race: “Massive quads and lungs the size of trash bags.”
- The race was started in 2002 by Alpharetta Velo (later Roswell Velo).
- For the first time in 12 years, the Historic Roswell Criterium will introduce a new race course this year. The fast, flat criterium loop has been extended to 1.2 miles in length.
- Last year’s winners: Laura Van Gilder (Mellow Mushroom/Rose Bandit Racing)
and Benjamin Zawacki (Team Mountain Khakis/SmartStop).
- Prize money (2013): Men Pro/1: $1999, Women Pro 1/2/3: $1,333.
- Course description: 1.2 mile flat, fast course with 4 left hand turns and one steady gradient rise of 3% on the backside of course.
- Notable residents and natives of Roswell: Martha Bulloch Roosevelt, the mother of Theodore Roosevelt, Emily Dolvin, the aunt of Jimmy Carter, and comedian Jeff Foxworthy who was at one point a frequent diner at The Southern Skillet when he lived in Roswell off and on throughout the ’90s. Side note: The Southern Skillet is now closed.
- But don’t despair. Jeff Foxworthy’s food company “Roswell Group” is still headquartered in Roswell.
- “Jeff Foxworthy’s™ Grit Chips™ are the brainchild of America’s Favorite Comedian–Jeff Foxworthy–and a bunch of “Yankees” he met in Atlanta, Georgia.”
- Grit Chips flavors: Original, cheddar, jalapeño cheddar, sweet heat. All flavors are gluten free and Kosher.
MFS WOULD LIKE TO THANK MAYOR JERE WOOD AND THE CITY OF ROSWELL FOR INVITING US TO YOUR V.I.P PICNIC AND BARBECUE, THE CHICKEN WAS SIMPLY DELICIOUS!
ORIGINAL GANGSTER SPEED SPEED SPEED.
THIS MAY OR MAY NOT BE THE GRANDFATHER OF SPEED WEEK. IT COULD JUST BE AN ORGANIZER OR A VOLUNTEER. IT'S HARD TO SAY. BUT AT THE TIME WE HAD REASON TO BELIEVE HE WAS SOMEBODY INTEGRAL TO THE RACE AT THE HISTORICAL LEVEL. I THINK SOMEBODY POINTED HIM OUT TO US. BUT NOW, 10 DAYS LATER, HE JUST LOOKS A DUDE IN A RED SHIRT. THE INTERNET WAS NO HELP. JOURNALISM IS SOOOO HARD SOMETIMES. UGH.
THIS DUDE FOUND HIS HOT DOG IN A "QUESTIONABLE SPOT" WHILE WAITING FOR THE RAIN TO STOP AND ATE IT.
THIS IS THE "QUESTIONABLE SPOT."
OVERHEARD AT ROSWELL CRITERIUM VOLUME 1: "ARE THESE GUYS THE PROS?, THEY MUST BE BECAUSE THEY SURE ARE MAKING SO MUCH WIND!!!!"
EVERYBODY WHO IS ANYBODY WENT TO THE PRE-RACE THUNDERSTORM PARTY UNDER THE AWNING OF A DEFUNCT GAS STATION DIRECTLY PROXIMAL TO THE COURSE ON THE CORNER OF CANTON AND WOODSTOCK.
ONE OF THESE #CHILLERS JUST DROPPED OUT OF THE RACE.
Typology: 2014 Athens Twilight #barricadebutts
SO. MANY. KHAKI. SHORTS.