If MFS gave you a magic credit card, with which you could buy one single piece of attire, of any cost, what would you buy?
A giant inflatable dinosaur costume and a second pair of Heelys. (I know, I know; you said one, but I never ask for anything. Pleeeeeaaaase.)
Do your friends back in Australia think it’s weird that you follow and enjoy (American) football?
There’s another type? GO BRONCOS WORLDCHAMPIOONSSSSSSSSSSSS #NOWECAMNT
What is your take on the use of a mankad run-out in cricket?
The mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell.
Will you draw us a picture of a bike and name all the parts, like diagram it for us?
If we asked you to, would you record yourself reading a passage from your favorite book, and send the recording to us?
Dude for sure, but I’ll have to find it first.
What’s the best move you’ve ever done in a bike race. Like, what is your proudest moment racing professionally?
In all seriousness, probably being a part of the world championships team in 2010, representing my home country and helping my friend and now badass pro tour pro Michael Matthews win a world championship. In the spirit of the interview, it was when I was peeing in Gila and a crash happened in front of me, I went over the top and didn’t get any pee on myself.
What’s the dumbest thing you’ve ever done in a race?
Dude, so many things. Anytime I’ve crashed and taken people down with me, or when I was 16 and saluted for the wrong line at the Central Coast Junior Tour. But man, I’m sure there are people out there that can remember other dumb stuff I’ve done.
Who’s your favorite dude(s) to talk to in the peleton. What do you guys talk about in there?
He hasn’t been in there for a while but Alder Martz is good to hang with. We shoot the shit and plan our #jalder world takeover.
Taylor Phinney, ya boiiiiiiiiiiiiii. Mostly we just talk about what stuff we gonna do when we get back to Boulder. #home #thebest #bubble.
My director TC, going back to the car is fun. Sometimes I just go back and ask him what he’s thinking about, or questions about life.
What’s the strangest/lamest/funniest/craziest thing you’ve ever heard in there? You can leave out the names and dates and whatnot to preserve whoever’s anonymity. Or not.
Man, the crash in Gila. I was tailgunning, tryna’ get some bottles from the car and people just started eating it everywhere. I slid my tyre for ages and somehow came to a stop while the world collapsed around me, it was complete carnage and there were some seriously hurt dudes.
Has anyone ever accused you of curling your eyelashes?
Totally, but mostly it’s just older women trying to flirt with me.
Have you ever curled your eyelashes?
Not on purpose, had an incident with a Bunsen burner in high school and they definitely curled a little bit.
Did you ever get your windshield wipers fixed?
Yeah, I had an old paper clip sitting around and it’s holding so far. I figure even if it falls off again, they put two on for a reason. Right?
On the day you were born, the #1 song in the United States was Bobby Brown’s ‘My Prerogative.’ Which line from its lyrics do you most identify with?
Everybody’s talkin’ all this stuff about me (Now now)
Why don’t they just let me live (Oh oh oh)
I don’t need permission
Make my own decisions (Oh)
That’s my prerogative
They say I’m crazy
I really don’t care
That’s my prerogative
They say I’m nasty
But I don’t give a damn
Gettin’ girls is how I live
Some ask me questions
Why am I so real
But they don’t understand me
I really don’t know the deal
About a brother
Trying hard to make it right
Not long ago
Before I win this fight
‘Sing’- it reminds me of something my mum said when my brother was angrily looking for his headphones to go for a run. He was super pissed off and not dealing with it well and my mum said “Be your own iPod.”
Be your own iPod. Sing. It feels good.
Who is your favorite Joe Lewis and why?
Joe Lewis the karate champion. I was a yellow belt in karate when i was twelve and like my American counterpart, I’ve been referred to as the Greatest Karate Fighter of all time.11In Gloucester, NSW, Australia, population 2500, that is.
Joe Louis the boxer.
Joe Lewis the martial artist and actor who coined the term “American Kickboxing.”
Joe Lewis the British businessman who lives in the Bahamas due to tax exile.
Jo Lewis the British artist who mostly works in water colors.
Have you ever purposefully saved up a fart while in the peloton, just so you could blast off at a certain time, and thus crop dust a particular rival you are not fond of?
Not in a malicious way, more as a hilarious joke because I’m particularly immature. But yes, many times.
Have you ever pretended (either in a race situation or in training) that a fart gives you a burst of power on the bike, and thus helps propel you at a higher rate of speed? Basically, we are asking if you ever pretend that farts work like rockets.
No, but I tried to light one on fire once. It didn’t work. Very upsetting.
Tell us about emergency bathroom situations during races. Please.
One time I was squeezing out a pee and farted and thought I’d pooped myself. I sat at the back the entire rest of the race because I was scared I smelled like poop. Luckily it rained later, cleansing me of my sins.
Members of touring bands have always abided by a code which clearly states that no one is ever to take a #2 in the tour bus bathroom. It’s a thing, and even superstars in their prime (think David Lee Rorth circa 1985, or Dr Dre right after “The Chronic”) had to live by that rule. Does any such rule exist for team buses, or do you guys let the number 2s fly freely?
Well we were going by that rule the first year we had our RV but Butler did it anyway. Then it was just free for all. Everyone has pretty good aim though.
Cycling can be a lonely existence, in terms of young dudes not being around their significant others for long periods of time. Even when you are in a hotel, you are sharing a room with another dude, and you are both sleeping on twin-sized beds that mere inches apart. How does that all work?
We push them together, Rob Squire can’t sleep unless his body is touching at least some part of mine. I have him put on a wig and pretend to be my girlfriend (if I have one at the time) and vice versa. Life is lonely in the trenches man, papa bear’s gotta eat.