A Chronological Breakdown of the Day’s Events
- 9:00–9:30am: Petite déjeuner. Steve cooked his own egg. Badly. It was hot. Daniel drank four machine-made cappuccinos. People stared at us because we looked fucking LIT AF in our 2018 TDF Street Team uniforms [see below].
- 10:30am: Steve locked the car keys in our car which car was parked illegally on a sidewalk.
- 10:30–12:30: Waited for Auto Mechanic Key Getter dude to show-up. Two hours seems long buuuuut we were in the center of The Tour de France Fuck Show. Dude was great, he basically gave the car door a blood pressure test which popped the door open. It took three minutes and cost 135 euros.
- 12:31pm: Steve was guided into a parked, as in stationary, bike by a steward while attempting to drive our newly-liberated rental car into an actual parking spot. It caused some damage to the bumper and Steve got a moving violation ticket.
- 12:45pm: My recently repaired and VERY expensive camera failed again forcing us to leave the start and return to the hot hellhole hotel and get my backup camera. Fuck you, Canon.
- 1:15pm: I did a drive-by apple toss out of the car window in the direction of an Alpine ravine.
- 1:30–3:30: Col de la Croix-Fry. Electric fences, “We like your shoes,” TOO MUCH dick belling [if you’re confused about this, you have twelve hours as of press time to view our Instagram story], two MFS-in-the-wild sightings, and I made some of the worst race photographs of my life.
- 3:00–5:30pm: Free meats, bad coffee and secret cloth cheese in the La Sal Presse area. Street Team photoshoot with a grip of wooden carnival cows. Also more bad coffee but this time we paid for it.
- Approx. 5:30pm: Alaphilippe.
- 5:50pm: Shortly after the finish we met David Millar near the ZT (Zone Technique) entrance/exit to discuss MFS X Palace Skateboard X CHPT3 photoshooting and Millarisms.
- 6:00–7:00pm: Got off the mountain with aplomb even though we were parked facing the wrong direction. We made it into the police escort sticker privilege Mountain Exodus Caravan. Finally.
- 7:00–8:00pm: The Hotel Zenitude Parking Lot electric gate failed, again. It always fails. This hotel is a pile of shit. A hot, steamy pile of shit.
- 9:00pm–12:00pm: Dinner @ Brasserie St Maurice with @caleyfretz, @pooleyemma, @shoddycycling, @si_richardsongcn, @thisdudechadwhoiscoolandworksformavicandwedontknowhisinstahandle. IT WAS A HIGHLIGHT. We talked about poops, how Steve indexed his gears to Simon juuuuust the other day, Brexit, Canadians (this got rowdy), concussions, and how you can’t say, “dicking in and out” in America but you can in England. I mean, you can say it in America but it means something different. Also we talked about fruit borders, like in NSW and California. This was seriously a wonderful experience. Also @caleyfretz used to live in Annecy and he says it’s great, he says it’s basically the Boulder of France. I think, in my mind, he means the Grand Junction of France because the Boulder of America is dumb and the riding sucks, and the west slope is better plus GJ is home to Taco Party. Whatever, I know what he means, also, obviously, as evidenced by today, the riding here is great.
- 2:52am: Still being alive in the hottest hotel room on earth, which is in France. In our internet suits—underwear and burning hot sweaty laptop on lap—working on this stupid blog post which nobody will read except you. Thank you for reading this.
Stage 10 High Points & Low Points
by The Eagle
Julian Alaphilippe animating everything starting in the first 30km and continuing throughout the day, taking the sledge to every group he was in. It wasn’t a carpenter’s claw-hammer he brought to Stage 10, it was a goddam sledgehammer. True demolition was going on out there on the Col de Romme as he rode away from David Gaudu and then Rein Taaramae with the Colombiere looming.
Alaphilippe and Peter Sagan are still proving to be the powerhouses in the Charisma Dept. and they both rock goatees. Can someone explain why the entire peloton isn’t goatee doping??! Didn’t we learn anything from Salvatore Comesso? Nothing about the former Italian national champ’s career sticks out in my mind, but his goatee is seared in my brain. The least the rest of these saps in the peloton could do is stop shaving their chins and pray the charisma follows.
Pure Class from a classics guy with Greg Van Avermaet demonstrating how to honor the yellow jersey when you’re basically a placeholder for a few days: fighting like hell to get in the main break and sticking it out all day up there off the front over all those big-uns. Today’s ride was even more impressive when you think about how he rode the cobbles just a couple of days ago.
Alaphilippe mugging for the camera motorbikes over the last 9k. Hey, if you got the time—and he certainly did—I’m a fan of basking in the moment. Everyone knows winning solo off the front of a mountain stage at the TdF is ALL-TIME.
Sagan getting in the early break for the sprint points and surviving the first climb while waving to the crowd around all the switchbacks. Just... way to go Peto.
The middle of this stage was SO boring. Paint drying boring. PDB. SKY just make it so fucking boring. With that much control after the break went, they neutralized any hope that the racing would be engaging til the final climb. I shoulda set an alarm to go off when they hit the final 30k. I know, tactics tactics, I don’t know what I expect here, maybe yesterday just spoiled me, but I hope the rest of the Alps liven up a bit…
Phil Liggett and Paul Sherwin just don’t do it for me anymore. All the missed rider names, rehashed phrases and general confusion they impart on the commentary makes a stage like today’s so tedious. It’s confusing enough for most Americans, why throw two grandpas in the booth? That, coupled with the nonstop commercials on the reg ass NBC coverage, was enough to make me immediately pony up $50 for a “Gold Package” just so I could hear Robbie McEwan and the other Aussie commentator’s voice for the last 50K. What’s the saying? “Worth its weight in Gold”?
Before I figured out my solid-ass gold solution, and since I’m a fan of their cannabinoids, I tried the Floyd’s of Leadville livecast YouTube commentary and it was equally as disturbing as Phil and Paul’s incoherent blabbering.
Where are the Americans? I know, I know, Lawson’s busted up and his survival is making all the news and after yesterday Tejay aint’ gettin much coverage, but let’s get serious for a moment: LTD (Laurens Ten Dam, an adopted Californian) just looks so handsome near the front alongside Tommy Dumoulin on the final climbs—it’s about the closest an American might get to the front in the mountains til the road rash recedes. Fingers crossed the Boz makes an appearance up there soon tho…
Rein “the timid” Taaramae descending w Alaphilippe. Poor fella had all the grace of an ostrich meandering through the corners as the stage win disappeared up the road.
Selected Stage 10 Broadcast Quotes
“It’s stick figures to the fore.”
—Aussie commentator Matt Keenan as Sky rotated through their workhorses on the front and slowly grind the GC field to dust.
“It’s getting a little tatty back there.”
—Phil Sherwin when Sky started to apply the pressure early and the first groups of riders started falling off the back. This is probably the only funny and spot-on thing he’ll say the entire Tour.
“He’s gonna go through them like a lead sinker.”
—Robbie McEwan commentating for Aussie TV on Philippe Gilbert getting dropped from the break and then dropping out the back of the peloton as they caught him.
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