Results for

2016 Tour of Kalifornia: Stage 03

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Distance 167.5km / 104.1mi Number of Steps All of them, otherwise known as 15,815 – 7.7 miles. Time of Filing 4:14 AM Accommodations Best Western Royal Oak Hotel, San Luis Obispo

Today’s Objectives

  1. Get at least 6 hours of sleep. X
  2. Drive our car all the way to the top of Gibraltar, in spite of all the naysayers and false prophets who said it couldn’t be done. ✓
  3. Grab more than one interview in front of a couple different porta-johns. ✓

WIFI Details Mixed review. At the desk with the sharp-edged scalloping that perfectly aggravates one’s forearms while writing a report about the wifi, the wifi is fine. But across the room where Daniel is working on top of one of the room’s two queen beds, the report is not so fine. The report is less than fine but more than abysmal.

Weather Today we got Southern California moviemaking magic. Today we got brilliant light filtered through a bit of ocean haze. Ok sure, we had some foggy moments, a few clouds, but we needed something to measure against. I do remember saying, “It feels like my body is trying to slip out of my clothes, but my shoes won’t let me,” in reference to how much I was sweating, but I am not going to blame that on the weather. Nope that’s my finicky little bodies problem.

Quote of the Day

“Be careful around these cars, you can’t trust them, especially the Russians.”
-A fan warning another fan about the official cars coming up the road.
“Yea but dude, they don’t have a consistent braking surface.”
-Overhead Tech Talk #1
“I have a warranty on these puppies.”
-Overhead Tech Talk #2

RACE REPORT

I t’s 2:45 in the morning and I’m so tired I’m going insane, so I will have to keep this short. Because, like I said, I’m going insane already and I don’t want to make it worse. It’s hard enough to talk with my outloud mouth words to the other people in this room let alone create electronic paper words with my hands. These transfers are dix, we had to drive to San Luis Obispo and so we didn’t start working on today’s post until like 9:30. I’m sad we’re leaving Southern California for Sacramento Valley California; nothing against the Sacramento Valley, I’ve had some of the best tacos of my life in the Sacramento Valley, it’s just that it’s ugly and hot and the air quality is dumb, which are enough in their own right, but it’s exacerbated by the fact that Los Angeles and the surrounding mountains and oceans and Cuban food places called Versailles are sooo excellent. Anyhoo, today’s theme is super positive, like almost too positive, and coming on the heels of yesterday’s borderline unseemly degree of positivity about BEN KING I wanted to kick this off with some polarizing comments about the residents of Bakersfield, Fresno, Visalia, Lodi, Modesto, etc.

If you’re a reader and consumer of Manual for Speed (or in other words if Manual for Speed is in your personal Fan Club), and you read these Race Reports, then you may (understandably) be confused about how much we actually like the institution of Professional Bike Racing. We complain a lot. About lots of stuff. Honestly sometimes I don’t even know how much I actually like the institution of Professional Bike Racing. I’m confused. And it changes. It’s definitely variable. But listen, I don’t think we have the time, and I know I don’t have the energy, to properly unpack this together so that’s not gonna happen, but what I can offer, what we can do here and now is talk about the Big Feelings I had today. I think it’s relevant to this conversation. I think the easiest way to communicate the significance of my Big Feelings is for me to just list out all the things that happened in the moments before my Big Feelings arrived. I think they will provide context and insight. Fingers crossed, here goes:

  1. On the way up Gibraltar (in a car) we passed and subsequently talked with Simon Mottram, the owner/creator of Rapha. He was riding his bike.
  2. We also passed Kelli Samuelson. She manages LA SWEAT. And races on the team. She was riding her bike.
  3. The fog parted. The Ocean below appeared. The sun came out. The road climbed. There were switchbacks, and points and promontories and rock walls and a stunning array of uniquely Californian vegetation.
  4. We saw Rapha Tim, Tim Johnson and CJ. Kyle, who went to college in Santa Barbara, ran into several friends he hasn’t seen or spoken with for years.
  5. But most of the people we passed were strangers. Friendly, enthusiastic, excited strangers.
  6. All riding their bikes up the mountain.
  7. To wait and watch professional athletes do something which is similar to riding, but which is ultimately much bigger and larger-than-life, so much so that just watching it, whatever it is, just being in the presence of it, is transformative and exhilarating.
  8. We parked, we walked, we bought coffees, we clowned.
  9. We got recognized as Manual for Speed A LOT. Maybe more than ever. And people said nice things. Positive things. Things like, “We love Manual for Speed.”
  10. We photographed, we videoed, we chatted, we met, we waited, we waited some more, I got sunburned as fuck and ran out of water, the race came.
  11. The front was fast and hard.
  12. The middle was steady and unrelenting.
  13. The end eventually came bearing laughter, smiles, high-fives, slingshots, peace fingers, etc.
  14. And. In spite of my deep deep deep disdain for unbridled enthusiasm, the vibe was such, the energy was such, I succumbed—on the inside!!!!!!!!, only on the inside!!!!!!!!!—to it.

And that’s it, that’s when I started to have my Big Feelings. About how cycling is a community based around the love of riding up a big-ass World Class mountain on a steep and twisty road even though or maybe because it hurts, and it’s sweaty, and you pant, and breathe too much, and it hurts, with friends, against friends, to get to the top, to stop, to wait and watch the greatest Spectacle on Earth come past. And Manual for Speed plays what would appear to be a very welcomed and widely lauded part in that. So yeah, I got pretty fucking emotional today. I mean, really, this whole big story that’s wasting your time and making me even more insane, hopefully not permanently (it’s now 3:52am), it just a long circuitous way of saying this:

Dear fans of Manual for Speed, and just plain old fans of Road Cycling even if you have no idea what Manual for Speed is, Thank You. Thank you for being a part of the Greatest Spectacle on Earth. It wouldn’t be the same without you. I hate clubs but I’ll be in your stupid club I guess. Because dude, did you see Peter charging up the mountain? And faaaaaaauck, Lachlan was in second when he came past, he looked blasted, but but but but but but he was in second! And that dude Gregory Daniels on Axeon got a jersey, he’s cool, I think his jersey is blue.

MORMON JOSH REAL-TIME TEXTING WHILE READING MFS ATOK STAGE 02

“I loved your description of what it felt like when Ben won. I remember how freaking Alive Libby hill was at worlds every time Ben would come up the hill, most of the time in the leading group. The place was nuts. And really the only other person who could win to make a loud crowd even louder was when Sagan won. It was anarchy of emotion. A man could have kissed a dog or a light post in exuberance and no one would have judged him negatively at that moment.”

“There was nowhere for our emotion to go but into the huge cauldron of elation that we were all drowning in as a collection of ecstatic idiots. It was LIT AF.”

TODAY'S HIGHS & LOWS

    High Points
  • Learning that Lachlan Morton prefers Rihanna over Beyoncé.
  • Starbucks stop number four, after we are forced to drive back to Santa Barbara to get gas.
  • Parking at the top of the climb, instead of at the bottom and walking up.
  • The magnificent golden shower of light that bathed us as we drove into San Luis Obispo.
    Low Points
  • Not getting six hours of sleep.
  • Kinda watching the latest Fantastic Four movie. Not the kinda part, the movie part.
  • Driving down from Gibraltar to get gas.
  • Arguing about video edits at 1:46am.

STAGE 03 MOST ANIMAL COMPETITION

An MFS Pilot Program for a New Classifcation

Manual for Speed has been commissioned to introduce a new race classification category called “Most Animal.” Points for the classification will be awarded on the basis of style, swagger, and grit. We’ve assembled an elite group of expert analysts who will be assessing and assigning points for performance. The most animal jersey for ATOK will be awarded at the end of the race.

NEILSON POWELESS: 7 pts

Neilson may be the youngest rider in the race. But he gets high ratings from us! He rode like a wily old mountain goat, scampering up the mountain with the hooved verve of an unhinged ungulate. He would eventually end up fifth

JULIAN ALAPHILIPPE: 6 pts

Dude waited and waited, and then attacked like an assassin. Also, he just recovered from mono… which I didn’t know anyone other than teenagers got. Basically he’s the King of California Queens, having taken the win in last years Queen stage up Mt. Baldy.

INFLATABLE COOKIES: 2 pts

Some people love cookies, and some people think they’re like too sweet over baked cakes. But there is no denying that an inflatable cookie has a certain something going, if only just to entice those in the first camp and aggravate those in the second.

Standings After Stage 03

  1. Ben King: 9 points
  2. Neilson Powless: 7 points
  3. Wouter Wippert: 7 points
  4. Julian Alaphilippe: 6 points
  5. Vasil Kiriyenka: 5 points
  6. Oscar Clark: 4 points
  7. Cannondale Team Car: 3 points
  8. Inflatable Cookies: 2 points

STAGE 03 PLAYLIST

  1. Chris Brown – Back to Sleep
  2. Travis Scott – Antidote
  3. Rihanna feat. Drake – Work
  4. Ty Dolla $ign feat. E-40 – Saved
  5. Tory Lanez – Say It
  6. Belly feat. The Weeknd – Might Not
  7. Omarion feat Chris Brown & Jhene Aiko – Post to Be
  8. DJ Khaled feat. Drake, Rick Ross & Lil Wayne – I’m On One

Bonus Listening Notes

  1. Chris Brown – “Back to Sleep”: This song is really really creepy
  2. Travis Scott – “Antidote”: Pretty sure this song is about smoking weed/having sex in an apartment and not opening the windows
  3. Rihanna feat. Drake – “Work”: Basically this generation’s “Working 9-5.” If working 9-5 was about hedonism and questionable decisions.
  4. Ty Dolla $ign feat. E-40 – “Saved”: It came on after Work, and even if it was really really good it would have seemed bad so we added it to the list of pity.
  5. Tory Lanez – “Say It”: Balance is tough to find. This song is about a search for equilibrium.
  6. Belly feat. The Weeknd – “Might Not”: Belly has had a hard day that he turns around by getting fucked up, but he’s worried that he might have gotten too fucked up, so in the moment he put’s together a song about how he’s worried about his health.
  7. Omarion feat. Chris Brown & Jhene Aiko – “Post to Be”: Do you believe in fatalism? The idea that everything is predetermined, that their are no choices to make, that fate is inescapably set. Omario and friend’s concede to this notion. Especially when fate determines that you have to eat the booty like groceries.
  8. DJ Kahled feat. Drake, Rick Ross, & Lil Wayne – “I’m On One”: Hey if the only things you care about are money and the city that you’re from, I don’t doubt that you’re life might feel a little empty and that this could lead you to excessive drinking, however that doesn’t mean that your music would be bad.

 

BONUS TRACKS

  1. Mike Posner – I Took a Pill in Ibiza (Seeb Remix)
  2. Fat Hoe & Remy feat. French Montana & Infared – All the Way Up
  3. Lupe Fiasco feat. Trey Songz – Out of My Head
  4. Desiigner – Panda
  5. Fetty Wap – Again
  6. Rich Homie Quan – Flex (Ooh, Ooh, Ooh)
  7. Justin Bieber – Sorry
  8. DJ Bando – Might Not
  9. G-Eazy & Bebe Rexha – Me, Myself & I
  10. DJ Shadow feat. Run the Jewels – Nobody Speak

AMGEN HQ, THOUSAND OAKS

Start, 0.0km

PORTRERO ROAD

5km

"The Climbers will be up front."

A man sharing some knowledge and insight with another man about the intricacies of bike racing strategy.

GIBRALTAR, PRE-RACE

HC, 12km @ 8%, 167.5km

"Be careful around these cars, you can’t trust them, especially the Russians."

A fan warning another fan about the official cars coming up the road.

GIBRALTAR, PERI-RACE

HC, 12km @ 8%, 167.5km

"Yea but dude, they don’t have a consistent braking surface."

Overhead Tech Talk #1

"I have a warranty on these puppies."

Overhead Tech Talk #2

GIBRALTAR, POST-RACE

Finish, 167.5km

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