Results for

2015 USA Pro Challenge: Stage 05

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Distance 13.5 km ITT Number of Steps 10623 or 5.1 miles Time of Filing 11:33 PM Accommodations Comfort Inn

Today’s Objectives
Sleep in. ✓
Photograph the bike race. ✓
Take notes on the bike race. ✓
Get excited about something, anything. X

WIFI Details This is getting a little old, guys. Sure, just the other day I said I could put up with your inconsistencies for at least another few years, but I lied to myself, and I lied to you. I can’t, you need to figure this out. You need to be better. Here’s the way I see it: if you advertise that you have WiFi in your hotel rooms, then your hotel should have WiFi—and everything that society has come to associate with the idea of WiFi—in your hotel rooms. You can’t just have the “signal.” You need to have all the bits that go with it… like the internet. What you are doing is like advertising that you have a radio station and then only broadcasting static. Great for experimental post-noise listeners, but kind of a bait switch for most of us. And that’s what I feel like we have been getting here guys, a bait and switch. My ‘pute shows full signal, the little auditorium sign indicates a full house, but there’s no show, nada. Nothing behind the curtain. You have to do better.

Weather Today was the Time Trial, this is the day the riders roll to the start line on high-tech bikes built for cheating the wind. Well today the wind had enough. Today the wind wouldn’t be cheated. The wind was especially spiteful during the women’s race. Pop-up tents were lifted like kites, hats carried like autumn leaves, and these high tech bikes, these wind tunnel tested future machines? Well let’s just say that they were bullied by the wind. Other than that it was sunny, pleasant, and a lot like the previous four days.

Quote of the Day


“I don’t like to kickflip in my FlyKnits.” -DWP

“That’s not a parking spot. People don’t park here like they do in Indiana.”-This was from some prick in a huge black Chevy truck reprimanding a guy pulled up to the curb of the Whole Foods. The guy was sitting behind the wheel of his car. Team MFS’s official statement to the man in the car: “That guy is a dick.” To which he said, “Yeah, I’m just waiting for my wife, she just ran in.”

“Careful this is a danger zone…they’ll chop your toes off.” -House of Pain Anonymous

“They told us full kit is too sexual, but our boobs aren’t even out!” -HoP Anonymous

“You can’t even see my banana that close.” -HoP Anonymous

“That’s the big basketball guy who loves the Grateful Dead.” -HoP Anonymous

“That’s what happens when you have too much money and not enough attention.” -HoP Anonymous

“They only live to get radical.” -HoP Anonymous


If you don’t want your picture taken, then don’t come to the race in a costume that screams, “PLEASE TAKE MY PICTURE!” Don’t wear a bright orange sun hat or a green, red, and yellow Body Glove cycling t-shirt. Don’t carry your little cartoon dog in your arms. Don’t have a salt and pepper goatee. Don’t wear Blue Blockers. And, whatever you do, don’t stand right up against the barriers cheering for the riders. Because if you do all of these things, or even just a couple of these things, or really any of them at all, we’re going to think you want your picture taken. You have all the trappings for a potentially great photograph, an aura of the mysterious, a dash of the mundane, and a heaping helping of sincerity.

Please, if you don’t want your picture taken, all you have to do is to just ask us to take your photo.


    High Points
  • Rolling through the whole day on our Micro Scooters. Scootin' here, scootin' there, scootin' everywhere.
  • Chatting with Axel Merckx and Nick Schuley from Axeon about Bo Jackson. (Dear Readers, if you have Netflix, you have Netflix right?, go watch You Don't Know Bo.)
  • Sleeping in.
    Low Points
  • Not buying the Homeland Security T-shirt with all the gnomes and hobbits on it from Space Cowboy.
  • Dropping my iPhone and cracking my screen. (This is a public note for KVH from KEB: I dropped my phone the other day too, it left a crack in the glass approximately half an inch long and not even over the actual display, just over the bezel, which is fine right? but it broke the digitizer so even though the screen works fine I can't tap the top third of the phone, rendering it essentially useless.)
  • The House of Pain.
  • Waking up.















Since we learned the census type facts about Breckenridge yesterday, today we bring you some other bits of information about “Breck.”
WARNING: Before reading, please note that these facts will also compete against your precious memories for space in your mind.


  1. In the movie Christmas Vacation, Chevy Chase takes a sled ride into the Wal-Mart parking lot. The scene was filmed on Breckenridge’s Four O’Clock run; at 3.5 miles, it’s the resort’s longest trail.
  2. Dumb and Dumber was also filmed at Breckenridge. A-Chair was the location for the scene when Harry’s tongue gets stuck on the chairlift.
  3. When the town was originally founded, it was spelled BreckINridge in honor of the Vice President at the time. (The people in town were angling to use this “honor” to get a local Post Office…and it worked.) Two years later that Vice President took sides with the Confederate Army when the Civil War broke out. The townspeople didn’t like this so they changed the spelling to BreckENridge.
  4. Breckenridge was inadvertently left off a U.S. map in the mid-1800s and became known as “Colorado’s Kingdom”. The mistake was NOT discovered or corrected until 50 years later. (Every summer the town celebrates this unique part of its past with the Kingdom Days celebration.)



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