Results for

2015 USA Pro Challenge: Stage 04

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Distance 125.9 mi Number of Steps Not enough. Time of Filing 11:38 PM Accommodations Alpine Inn

Today’s Objectives
Eat something green.✓
Watch Kyle Murphy take the Independence Pass KOM in. ✓
Exercise in some way, shape, or form. X

WIFI Details Undependable. What we are dealing with here are speed pulses. Turtle to Rabbit and back. Yo-Yo style. As you can imagine this is frustrating. Now, I’m no tech guy, but if you were to ask me to identify the range of our WiFi speeds, I would say that we were oscillating between Windows 98 dial-up and 2015 modern, expected American. Unfortunately we spent most of our time in ‘98.

Weather I am pretty sure they filmedThe Truman Showin Colorado. Every day is as perfectly pleasant as the last.

Quote of the Day

“I’m not going to be the guy who drops a baby.” -Brad Sohner

“Artichoke is SO polarizing.” -Anonymous

“Can you hand sanitize my ass?” -Anonymous

“Usually there are resies.” -Anonymous

“Oh, you want an iced Avalanche with chocolate powder?” -Anonymous

“Murphy is so new to the team his jersey doesn’t fit!” -Anonymous

“I’ve risked diseases you have to keep for 10% off.” -Anonymous

DEAR BIKE RACES

 

We know it’s important to get people “stoked” about the upcoming race. That’s the whole point right? You got your racers on one hand and you got your fans on the other, and you want everyone “stoked” to be there, “stoked” put on a good show, “stoked” to see a good show. So if we can all agree that this point then why do you insist on playing music that does exactly the opposite of “stoke” people out? For example the song“Kryptonite” by 3 Doors Down (don’t click that). This song does not “stoke” people out. This song leaves people feeling empty, defeated, and sad. This song is like hearing that your favorite dog has just died. This song is like audio equivalent of having to watch the trailer for Owen Wilson’s No Escape. After hearing it this morning I had to have two more coffees: one to dig my psyche out of the hole that this song put me in and the other to do the work of the coffee I had before this awful dirge invaded my ears. I know that someone in your group/establishment must like this song, and if you know who they are I urge you to pay special attention to them, you know, keep a watchful eye on their actions. Because they are most likely a sociopath. Seriously though, Jock Jams 2001? Let’s save us all some grief and leave the past in the past, especially if the past in question is a wretched fetid toilet full of sonic garbage.

TODAY'S HIGHS & LOWS

    High Points
  • The Purple Channels.
  • Driving by the redneck in a lifted white ‘70s Ford truck who was giving the finger to the entire caravan because he was stuck in the middle of a long line of traffic caused by the race.
  • Kyle Murphy taking the day’s first KOM and then riding in the break for most of the stage, all while wearing MFS Karan Singh socks.
  • Having dinner with Clif Bar guys, Dave Towle, and Brad Sohner.
  • Having a few moments with Sweet Pete Morris.
    Low Points
  • The Mexican food we ate for lunch.
  • Having only a few moments with Sweet Pete.

TOP TWO TV PILOT IDEAS FROM OUR TAVERN DINNER

  1. Can You Get Me Some Money? Two contestants are challenged with going out into the world and earning a certain amount of money before the other one. For instance: the first round would start with two people going outside to obtain $5 dollars. The first one back wins and advances to the next round in a tournament-style bracket. Each round the amount to be earned goes up, and the eventual winner takes home the grand prize money, which is the sum total of all the money brought in by all the contestants. The more contestants the higher the stakes! Critics are already calling this the nihilistic thrill ride of the coming season.
  2. Strap A Shark To It! This show is more of a visual experience program and it’s all laid out in the name. What happens when you strap a Tiger Shark to a juke box? A Great White to a Volkswagen Beetle? A Mako to a set of Titulus golf clubs? No one knows, but this show aims to find out!

TODAY’S TOP DAVE TOWLE QUOTES

“Kyle’s ride today was like going from a farm team to pitching for the Yankees!”

 

“No matter how hungry you are, only one man licks his plate completely clean.”

 

“That’s like a lion taking down a injured antelope on the Serengeti!”

 

“How does Rohan Dennis sit down with balls that big?”

 

“Bookwalter in second place with a smile on his face!”

 

“He’s flogging him like a rented mule!”

 

“This is the moment before the clash of the swords as they head into break.”

ASPEN

 

A Brief Pre-Race Conversation with Kyle Murphy

Kyle Murphy’s team, Caja Rural Segeuros SRA, is based in Spain and the roster is filled with Spanish-speaking Spaniards, except for Kyle, duh. So today after talking for a bit before the race I said to Kyle, I said, “Suerte.” To which he responded, “Which one is that?” “That’s Luck.” I said.

ALONG THE COURSE

BRECKENRIDGE

Facts Courtesy of Wikipedia

  1. Country: United States
  2. State: Colorado
  3. County: Summit County (Seat)
  4. Established: November 1859 as Breckinridge
  5. Incorporated: March 3, 1880
  6. Government: Home Rule Municipality
  7. Mayor: John Warner
  8. Area: 5.0 square miles (12.8 square kilometers)
  9. Elevation: 9,600 ft (2,926 m)
  10. Population (2010): 4,540 (910/square mile, 350/square kilometer)
  11. Time Zone: MST/MDT (UTC-7/UTC-6)
  12. ZIP Code: 80424
  13. Area Code: 970
  14. INCITS Place Code: 0808400
  15. GNIS Feature ID: 0204681
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