Results for

2015 USA Pro Challenge: Stage 02

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Distance 115.3 mi Number of Steps 8668 – 4.2 Miles – Daniel Time of Filing 11:04 PM Accommodations Alpine Inn

Today’s Objectives
Get to the race on time, X
Take good photos of the bike race and riders. ✓
Make some jokes ✓
Catch up with Lachlan Morton and his dog. ✓- (We met his dog Toad.)

WIFI Details Undependable. What we are dealing with here are speed pulses. Turtle to Rabbit and back. Yo-Yo style. As you can imagine this is frustrating. Now, I’m no tech guy, but if you were to ask me to identify the range of our WiFi speeds, I would say that we were oscillating between Windows 98 dial-up and 2015 modern, expected American. Unfortunately, we spent most of our time in ‘98.

Weather In the morning the weather was perfectly fine. We walked around in shorts and t-shirts, watched groups of racers warm up, and then we got in our car and drove to the top of the first climb that the race folks referred to as Rabbit Ears. Once we got there it was also really pleasant. Afterwards we spent most of the day in the car until we arrived at Arapahoe Basin where the race was going to finish. This joint is at 10,789’ and even though the sun was out it was cold; I had goose flesh despite sporting my MFS Artist Series Mike Perry vest. But then when we got to Frisco the temperature in our hotel room was perfect.

Quote of the Day
“You always park ass to mouth.” -Arapahoe Basin Parking Staff

“Colorado has more dickhead fans than anywhere else.” -Anonymous

“Going up on a Tuesday.” – Keith Lightfoot

“You can always take one home and decide later.” -KVH, after DWP wondered aloud if he wanted a clown photo.

DEAR USA PRO CHALLENGE

The Party Pen, This is the area just off the awards stage where the top three stage finishers and the colored jersey dudes hang out after receiving their awards. is like a who’s who stew, literally all the best people are there. This is what fans want to see, this is the Glitz & Glamour. If you guys don’t know, here’s how it works: media is the liaison between the riders and the fans. Pretty basic stuff, but here’s what I can’t figure out: Manual for Speed has media credentials, ergo we’re supposed to have access to media-type things and if anything is a media-type thing it’s the Party Pen, but for some reason we’re barred from the Party Pen, we can’t get in? And I think you would all agree, that if anyone should be allowed into the Party Pen we should be. No question! So until decides to grant MFS access to the Party Pen, you will just have to imagine it. Sure, I could paint you a picture, I could tell you about the champagne, the podium girls, the shaved legs, the inside jokes, I could go into vivid detail about the whole thing but you know what?, you’ll have to wait, because we have to wait. And thats just how it is, our hands are tied. If you think MFS is getting a bogus deal and should be allowed into the Party Pen use Twitter and tell  how you feel! #mfspartypen, get us in there!

MFS STATUS UPDATE

I am not going to tell you that the day started smoothly. I mean, I should’ve known that the stars weren’t aligned when we got stuck behind Mr. Clean on a fatbike while heading into Starbucks. To make things worse Mr. Clean was right about where the start of the race was and I was wrong about where the start of the race was. Mr. Clean, on a fatbike, WTF. So then I spilled hot coffee on myself and took us for a little roundabout tour of Steamboat Springs before finding the start, bad news. Buuuuuut we wound up in the Alpine Inn, and even though the WiFi signal is less than ideal the joint is located next to a Whole Foods and the tube is showing a righteous selection of flicks. Plus we’re in America. So we are doing like B or B+, ish.

TODAY’S TOP DAVE TOWLE QUOTES

“Rohan Dennis is a dream crusher!!!”

 

“Rohan Dennis just hit the reset button one more time!!!”

 

“Rohan Dennis is a bicycle racing cyborg!!!”

TODAY'S HIGHS & LOWS

    High Points
  • Having a conversation with a stoner dude who, when commenting on Daniel’s Print All Over Me San Pelligrino T-shirt said, “Dude that’s trippy! We sell that drink.”
  • There is a Whole Foods right next to the Alpine Inn.
  • Tonight’s movie selection: The Matrix (SO SIQ), Half of Thor (even more ass kicking), and all of Ghostbusters (THE GOLD STANDARD).
    Low Points
  • Having a conversation with a stoner dude who, when commenting on Daniel’s Print All Over Me San Pelligrino T-shirt said, “Dude that’s trippy! We sell that drink.”
  • Kyle screwed up the directions to the start of the race. AGAIN!
  • Daniel blowing his nose into a Starbuck’s bacon bag.
  • Having to say, "bacon bag."
  • Having to wade through the Dare Wear circus in order to get to the finish line. It was like having to wade through a The Hills Have Eyes Christmas Party.
  • This Bro on the closed course leading up to the finish who was upset that official race traffic passed him as we were on our way to an official race location. This Bro expressed his anger by displaying his middle finger in our direction. Why? MFS is race traffic, we should have been on that road, so we were unclear about why Bro flashed the bird. I mean it couldn’t have been that we were just driving where we should’ve been right? Maybe he doesn’t like Chrysler or next-level professional road racing journalism? We had to find out just what made this man’s bird fly. So we stopped the car and let him catch up to us. Now I am not going to tell you that this was an easy conversation. Bro thought we were out of line. Bro thought we shouldn’t have been driving on the wrong side of the road. Bro thought we should take a hike. Bro called us ugly names. Well Bro, just so you know, had we taken your advice, we would have killed a street luger no more than 100 yards up the road from our tet-a-tet. And if we took a hike, there is no way we would have been able to put this amazing race report together. Also those ugly names, maybe that’s just a reflection of who you are Bro, maybe you’re putting your hangups on us, bro.

DID YOU KNOW?…

That the Sierra Nevada Brewing Company has an Ambassador of Relaxation? They do. Manual for Speed did extensive internet research in hopes of finding the specific qualifications one would need to become an Ambassador of Relaxation. While we put our crack team on the job, we found zilch. Needless to say this job reeks of cronyism. We could ask you to send us the credentials, but honestly we really don’t care. We just thought you should know that a beer company pays some dude to basically be that Uncle who was great to have around when you were 17 and need someone to buy you beer, but who now shows up to your house parties and leers at your all your lady friends.

RABBIT EARS

We talked about how it would be a bummer to get a crack in our windshield while we were driving at the back of the race caravan on a road that was under construction, then not less than a minute after the rock/windshield conversation a rock hopped up and put a nice little crack in the windshield.

THE HOUSE OF PAIN

ARAPAHOE BASIN

Facts Courtesy of Wikipedia

  • Location: White River National Forest, Summit County, Colorado, US
  • Nearest City: Keystone
  • Vertical: 2,270 ft (692 m)
  • Top Elevation: 13,050 ft (3,978 m)
  • Base Elevation: 10,780 ft (3,286 m)
  • Skiable Area: 960 acres (3.9 square km)
  • Runs: 109 (10% easiest, 30% intermediate, 37% advanced, 23% expert)
  • Longest Run: 1.5 mi (2.4 km)
  • Lift System: 8 Chairs (1 high-speed quad, 1 quad, 1 triple, 3 double and 2 magic carpet)
  • Terrain Parks: 2 (High Divide and Treeline)
  • Snowfall: 350 in (890 cm)
  • Snowmaking: 125 acres (0.51 square kilometers)
  • Night Skiing: No

FROM THE MFS INBOX

Reproduced Verbatim

Dear Team L.A. Sweat,

i’m 100% ok with your”way-of-life”

A little more oestrogen in this …. cycling-world,and world in totality!

i’m Bruno,from France, 57 y.o,jobless for along,along time…

just do my favorite event etc…

i’m also RIDERS CARDS collector,if you have some possibility ?

Bruno *****

********

**********

France

Last Saturday i saw end stage of La Route De France…Nice girls,athlets too and a lot of wonderful people!

best continue,hope you can get for free…you can understand why…

Love,stay safe

Bruno

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