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2015 Tour De France
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There was some Deep Stoke at the Mountain Chewbacca camp today.

2015 TDF: Stage 20

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Distance 110.5 km Number of Steps 2,322 steps or 1.1 miles Time of Filing 2:33 AM Accommodations The Ibis Beaune La Ferme Aux Vins. Halfway between the Alpes and Paris. Ibises are as close to Basic Hotels as France gets. It’s so refreshing, almost.

Today’s Objectives
Hang out with Marko Sajn (@ruddgio), our Slovenian friend from Slovenia. ✓
Alpe D’Huez. ✓
Visit with Greg Johnson (@bikrlikr) and Jeremy Dunn (@theathletic) ✓
Put the Alpes in our rearview. ✓

WIFI Details

France you little fucker I ALMOST apologized last night for all the shit I talk about your weefee inadequacies because dude, this tour, it’s been good, real good. But I forgot and now tonight you’re right back at it! Gotcha! I knew it, I knew it, I knew it, you have systemic weefee problems, you’ve always had systemic weefee problems, and you will probably always have systemic weefee problems. Bottomline, I think you loathe efficiency and productivity. Anyway, Ibis Wifi Services fool me once shame on you, fool me twice well, fuck it you can keep the 2.90 euros (twice). I’m going home in less than 48 hours anyway.

Weather

My heart wants to beat like the wings of the birds / That rise from the lake to the trees / My heart wants to sigh like a chime that flies / From a church on a breeze / To laugh like a brook when it trips and falls / Over stones on its way / To sing through the night / Like a lark who is learning to pray

Quotes of the Day

“I hope that banana peel makes it into the grass, I’d hate to be the guy on whose banana peel Nairo slipped and fell and ended his Tour.”
-Emiliano regarding organic waste disposal.

“Oh thank God, there’s a Bernard Corral.”
-On the way down Alpe d’Huez all thirty seven trillion cyclists were funneled into a designated area behind barriers to facilitate the #stickerprivilege exodus/evacuation.

“Chapeau Cameltoe!”
-Anonymous

“No, dude, I love you, it was just a Frogskins hug.”
-Daniel explaining the need for a side-hug. Otherwise my Frogskins get crushed, explode, and the main bit drops to the ground.

DEAR WORLD

Race Report

The Slovenians and Sexy from France showed up last night at eleven thirty. We talked about the state of the Balkan States, mountain biking Bovec, and sending food back in French Restaurants.

 

In the morning we empty the car in the back on the one side to make room for Marko. We find a large grasshopper in the backseat. We have wildlife. We try to drive to the start but we can’t make it on to the main road because of traffic. We push-in as far as we can to the edge of the course and but then get wedged. Everywhere is a parking lot, the cars are all empty, nobody home, nobody even available to argue with. We backtrack, get on the course headed away from the start and find a McDonald’s. I’m worried that when I get home I might forget what I’m doing and try to poop in a McDonald’s. Here it’s fine, there it’s rough. We drive up the first climb, it’s glorious, the scale is breathtaking. We’re behind the Publicity Caravan the whole way to Alpe d’Huez. We drive through in its wake, free shit littered everywhere, spectators nearly spent, some already going home, got what they want, the bike race is taking too long.

 

On the way up it’s the Crowd Behavior thing all over again. Throwing shit, pounding, clowning, dancing, synchronized idiocy, all of it. We find a place to park just past the 5 km mark. Then here comes a gendarmerie, and a conversation, some misunderstanding, light frustration, a second gendarmerie, resolution, and we park. According to the second dude, we may have to wait until 2:00 AM to drive off the mountain. We ask around, it seems he’s way off the mark, he has to be, we can go up now it’s getting too late and there is no fucking way we’re not leaving the mountain until after midnight. That’s ludicrous. We turn the car around and face it down the mountain, we’ll be fine. We walk up together, then kinda separate. I still hate everything but the Colombians have this dance and the Dutch play good bad-music. And there is World-Class Napping everywhere in this World-Class Alpe. Anyway the race comes and basically fireworks go off. Smoke, flares, whistles, the turkey horn, the runners, the slingers, the face.

Two Germans, a man and woman, half naked, on MDMA, dancing to Techno. Raging. The pumpedest and the jazzedest. The race is over but they’re not.

Can we talk about Ryder Hesjedal? After twenty-one days of pre/mid/post-race eye contact with every single person in this race you start to get a sense. Of who you like, of who’s feeling it or not. Of who has something or nothing to say. And anyway, I think he was starting to feel it. If this race was two months long, I think he would have won it.

TODAY'S HIGHS & LOWS

    High Points
  • Klemen
  • Marko
  • Sexy Matthieu
  • Greg
  • Jeremy
  • Mr. Raoul
  • Mrs. Raoul
  • Alpe d'Heuz ✓
    Low Points
  • France
  • Myself
Playlist

Today's Playlist

  • ARTIST ALBUM TRACK
  • 1 ILOVEMAKONNEN I Don’t Sell Molly No More
  • 2 Peaking Lights Dreamquest
  • 3 Peaking Lights Treat Me Right
  • 4 YAMANTAKA // SONIC TITAN Whalesong
  • 5 BoB feat. Ester Dean Wide Open
  • 6 A$AP Rocky feat. Kendrick Lamar, Joey Bada$$, YelaWolf, Danny Brown, Action Bronson & Big K.R.I.T 1 Train
  • 7 SBTRKT feat. Raury Higher
  • 8 Big Sean feat. Jhene Aiko I Know
  • 9 Mt. Eden feat. Freshly Ground Sierra Leone
  • 10 Miss Kittin Sortie des Artistes
  • 11 TOKiMONSTA Steal My Attention
  • 12 Falcons Be Quiet
  • 13 Willow Beats Merewif
  • 14 Zeitgeist Fight With Shattered Mirrors
  • 15 Hudson Mohawke X Lunice Higher Ground

COL DE LA CROIX DE FER

ALPE D’HUEZ

GERMAN GODS OF HARDSTYLE

TOUR DAY FRANCE

Manuel Reports from Alpe d’Huez

Alberto Contador’s Enormous Pile of Trophies Will Not Grow on Sunday
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