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2015 Tour De France
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MTN-Qhubeka Team Bus Eritrean Supporters Club
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There was some Deep Stoke at the Mountain Chewbacca camp today.

2015 Tour de France: Stage 10

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Distance 167 km Number of Steps 13,312 steps or 6.5 miles Time of Filing 3:45 AM

Accommodations

Before we even got to Château d’Orleix one of the best things about Château d’Orleix was our reservation for three nights. That’s three consecutive nights in the same bed, with the same Wifi passwords/protocols and the same shower fixtures. DO NOT UNDERESTIMATE THE SEEMINGLY INFINITE NUMBER OF SHOWER FIXTURE CONFIGURATIONS CURRENTLY IN USE IN FRANCE. Now that we’re here, and we’ve seen it and lived in and experienced it, we love it even more. It’s outside of town just off a rural road at the end of a long driveway. It’s massive. Three stories tall. It has wooden shutters on the front of its millions of windows. The worn wooden spiral staircase is glorious and ancient, and most certainly not up to code. We can’t lock our door. It’s apparently pre-lock, or maybe it’s post-lock, either way it’s no-lock. The bathroom is modern. Our room has Nagel vibes.

Today’s Objectives

Make it to our Continental Breakfast Reservation at 9:00 AM. X
Introduce Emiliano to the Tour de France. ✓
Decorate the MFS Whip with two new extra large heart magnets. ✓
Take over The New Yorker’s (photo) Instagram. ✓+
Make it onto the Mountain Chewbacca Team Bus. PENDING…
Speaking of mountains. Go to a mountain, any mountain, even a mountain in Spain. ✓

WIFI Details

Once again the Wefeee is more than adequate. At this rate we’re going to owe France an apology.

Weather Expect a sunburn.

Quote of the Day

“He gave you the soft whistle.”
-Emiliano discussing the quality of a moto-gendarmerie’s whistle-based instructions.

“How many 70-year olds in just bib shorts are there?”
-Emiliano Granado

“Turntablism is like track standing.”
-Emiliano Granado discussing scratching while listening to Eric B. & Rakim’s ‘Paid In Full’.

“Alex Howes is a dreamboat.”
-Anonymous

RACE REPORT

Once at the top and through the deviation, and parked and sorted out as to where the finish was, and where the soigneurs will stand, and where we needed to be, and then with an hour to go before the finish, Emiliano and I left the barricades and walked around. Hunting & Stalking for photographs. And food/water/drinks which we found in a parking lot through one of the official Tour concession stands. It was a stand-up bar counter outdoor situation but it had a roof which provided shade so we decided to dine in. I accidentally put sugar on my fries thinking it was salt because my fries needed salt and I watched a guy open what I thought was a salt packet and sprinkle the contents onto his fries. And I mean, nobody puts sugar on fries right? not even in France? Anyway, I ate most of the fries anyway because #fuckit and my sausage roll were delicious and unsweetened so all in all, it was a lovely culinary experience.

It tasted a lot like, I imagine, what a French Baseball game would taste like. Which come to think of it isn’t cycling a French Baseball game?

Anyway then we met Lisa who works at Medeo Fencing Club in Bridgewater, New Jersey. Lisa said there were three fencing disciplines; epee, saber, foil. She went on to explain that Emiliano would be better at epee because he is methodical and analytical. And that I would be better at sabre because I was ruled by emotions and intuition. Then she pointed to a short gentleman eating fries over by a rock and said he looks like a foil type to me. We said oh yeah, how come? She said because he’s petite. We nodded in agreement because he was in fact short. She said you need to be petite and precise. I nodded and said oh yeah okay sure, thinking the whole time I don’t know how precise he is he just put sugar on his fries.

TODAY'S HIGHS & LOWS

    High Points
  • On the way up the mountain I was hungry and desperate for food. I tried to eat the Hot and Spicy pringles Emiliano purchased yesterday but while they tasted “okay”, they smelled so bad I couldn't stop retching. At that very moment, right as we were pulling into the Deviation, the Haribo candy man threw several sample-sized bags of Haribo candy into the open driver’s side window and straight onto our laps. A lot of it was the European mix stuff that is all but inedible, but some of it was the good stuff: sour candies, gummy bears, etc.
  • Our hotel room is keyless. We have keyless entry.
  • The crowds on the climb are so dense and intense. I think eventually they will give me panic attacks but for now it feels like a really intense and really exciting War Torn Failed State US Embassy reenactment Live Action Role Playing game. I think as the climbs escalate throughout the Tour so will the crowd-on-car ecstasy-cum-violence. I fully expect to be rocked, robbed of magnets, sprayed, ridiculed, obstructed, aggressed, ridden, blocked, ejaculated on, etc.
    Low Points
  • Emiliano went through proper channels at MTN-Qhubeka to organize a photograph of KOM Daniel in front of the fountain inside the Hospitality area near sign-in. On the way over to the fountain from the Team Bus (20 feet tops) Daniel Teklehaimanot drew so much attention from other photographers and ENG Bros that Emiliano was pushed-out and blocked from taking the shot he coordinated.
  • On the way up the mountain a French teenager behind the barriers threw what I thought was water onto our windshield and partially into my open window. Whatever it is wasn't water because it didn't dry right. Maybe it was soda? Vodka? Beer? Acid? Whatever it is, fool me once shame on you, you piece of shit fuckwad fake-ass bozo terrorist. Next time I’ll stop, hold you down and pee on you. Or report you to the authorities. Or take a picture of your asscrack and mail it to Jonathan Vaughters.
  • One of the benefits of staying at a hotel versus an AirBnB are the breakfasts. One of the KEY advantages of continental buffet-style breakfasts is the opportunity to pack a lunch. Especially in Europe where invariably the breakfast spreads feature bread, cheeses and meats. Otherwise known as a sandwich, or “pocket ham” (PHACU). This morning I watched Emiliano make a hefty pocket ham. I even said out loud, man that ham looks damp and sweaty. I don’t think I’m going to make one of those, but I will probably regret it. I 100% regretted not taking a pocket ham up the mountain.

 

MANUAL FOR SPEED’S OUTBOX

Manual for Speed wants (needs!?) a portrait of Phil Liggett to complete our study of the Tour de France. Also and maybe more importantly, the New Yorker Photo Instagram needs that photograph. Through legal albeit clandestine means MFS was able to get Phil’s email address. Our email to him is published below for your BTS enjoyment. If you feel compelled to aid us in our pursuit of Phil please send him (positive) encouragement via twitter.

Phil,

We are covering the Tour de France for The New Yorker Magazine. They want us to provide a studied, comprehensive and intimate look at the TDF. Your are The Symbol of the Tour de France, as such, no photographic study of the race would be complete without a portrait of you. Together with Paul if possible. We need 5 minutes, tops. No lights, stands, tripods or set-up. It’s a still photograph. No video. No questions. No interview. Obviously we can do it when and where it’s most convenient for you. We would need to do it before Saturday the 18th.

Emiliano Granado & Daniel Wakefield Pasley aka Manual for Speed

LEARNING FRENCH PHRASES #7

AN EXPLORATION, A GLOSSARY, A CATALOG FOR FUTURE GENERATIONS

Nous ne sommes pas un parking.11We are not parking. Nous sommes arrêtés ici pendant cinq minutes pour prendre une photo.22We stopped here for five minutes to take a photo. Nous allons les locaux vacants immédiatement après l’ compléter le système de nos exigences photographiques.33We’ll vacate the premises immediately after the completion of our photographic requirements. Nous avons tiré hors de la route dans l’intérim dans un effort pour éviter l’obstruction.44We pulled off the road in the meantime in an effort to avoid obstructing anyone/thing.

 

TODAY’S UNFAIR ADVANTAGE

 

A CHRONOLOGICAL BREAKDOWN OF THE DAY’S EVENTS

  • 9:00 AM: Still sleeping.
  • 9:35 AM: Continental Breakfast.
  • 11:00 AM: Arrive at the start.
  • 12:55 PM: Leave avant la course.
  • 1:30 PM: Stop 10 km from the start on a moderate incline.
  • 1:35 PM: Abandoned that position for a corn field 17 km from the start.
  • 2:05 PM: Speed to the finish.
  • 4:30 PM: Make it to the finish 1.5 hours ahead of the race.
  • 5:30 PM: Meet Puckbuddy.
  • 10:00 PM: Make it home.

 

TODAY’S PLAYLIST

PRIVATE COLLECTION VOL. 2

  • Mura Masa When U Need  ME
  • Majical Cloudz This is Magic
  • Slow Magic Girls
  • DCUP I’m Corrupt (Peking Duk Remix)
  • BenZel feat. Ryn Weaver Touch
  • Danny Scrilla Magellanic Clouds
  • Ca$h Out Cashin Out
  • Odesza feat. Madelyn Gran Sun Models
  • Reinhard Voigt Rachanee
  • 10 Slumberjack Horus

 

TARBES START

 

GARDERES

 

LA PIERRE-SAINT-MARTIN

 

ORLEIX

Existential? Or just bread?

 

WHAT MAKES CHÂTEAU D’ORLEIX SO REMARKABLE?

 

An MFS Special Feature (Featuring the Words of Château d’Orleix Themselves)
  1. The Château d’Orleix is located 6 km north of Tarbes in the Hautes-Pyrenees.
  2. It has a terrace and a spa and wellness with steam room, sauna and jacuzzi.
  3. Individually decorated rooms come with flat-screen TV with over 100 international channels and Wi-Fi. Each has a spacious private bathroom.
  4. A continental breakfast is served daily in the elegant dining room of the castle.
  5. Reservations can dine in the restaurant or in the comfort of your room.
  6. The residence also has a gym and a 24/24 with free Wi-Fi.
  7. Beauty treatments as well as relaxing massages are offered on reservation 24 hours in advance. There is a golf course 11 km away and a horse riding center only 1 km.
  8. The property has a seminar room and offers study days. Room equipped with a flipchart, big screen projection for PC, wifi connection.
  9. The Château d’Orleix provides free private parking on site. It is easily accessible by the A64 and you reach Lake Bours just 5 minutes by car. Tarbes Train Station is 6 km away, while Tarbes airport is 17 km.”

 

TOUR DAY FRANCE

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