Results for
2014 USA Pro Challenge

2014 USA Pro Challenge – Stage 06

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Distance: 10 mi / 16 km Today’s Before I Forget: When you look-up Starbucks locations on Google Maps on an iPhone, the words “Iconic Seattle-based coffee house chain” show up next to the little red circle with a white square under the word Starbucks. Out of curiosity, I just looked up Subway, their tagline—is that what you’d call these jammers?, maybe they’re catchphrases, or slogans, or descriptions, what about battle cries?!?!?, who cares, okay anyway—is “Build your own sandwich chain .” Burger King, “Fast-food chain for grilled burgers.” McDonalds, “Iconic fast-food burgers and fries chain.” Chili’s Grill & Bar, “Lively chain for Tex-Mex &…” Last night in the Holiday Inn Vail on the third floor in room 223,  Emiliano and I turned the TV on, and before the screen was even all the way bright, our room and ears and minds filled-up flush and full with the song Safe by Westlife.

“We know we can sing. That’s the easy part,” says Shane Filan, one quarter of the most successful boy band of the last decade. Twelve years, ten albums and 44 million sales into their career, Westlife came to a crossroads earlier this year. Did they stick to the winning formula that had produced 14 No . 1s (only three less than The Beatles), or tear themselves away from their comfort zone, shred the rule book and start again? The latter, as it happens. And in emphatic style. The quartet’s eleventh offering, Gravity, sees the Irishmen sail into uncharted waters, wrestle an unprecedented level of creative control and most critically of all – start believing in themselves again. “It’s a really good album,” insists Nicky Byrne. “It’s one producer. It’s one sound. Maybe it’s taken us twelve years to get there. But it doesn’t matter. We’re here now. ”

On the screen we see a young boy on a BMX bike, then a beach where a sea mammal or shark or whale or some shit is washing up on shore, then the words “IN 2011,” a desolate fogged-in pier, heavy wind blowing a sign above a retail store door off it’s hinges in some kinda hurricane-looking deal, then a young girl sit-squatting against the wall of a building, her arms around her knees, crying, then the words “A DOLPHIN NAMED WINTER, GAVE THE WORLD INSPIRATION,” then a dolphin in an indoor pool, a mixed-race Disney-looking family standing around a desk in a living room and staring together at a computer, I think the black dude was Morgan Freeman, okay we see the computer screen now and someone is pointing to a dolphin in the middle of the screen, it looks like the dolphin is swimming in a tank, also there are some graphics next to the dolphin, like some kind of vital stats or something, maybe brain waves or sonar levels or some shit—YOU ARE STILL LISTENING TO SAFE BY WESTLIFE RIGHT?, IF YOU’RE NOT PLEASE CLICK THIS LINK—now there is a young boy addressing a crowd, he’s outside and he’s speaking into a microphone, he’s saying “I hope you love her as much I do!,” then we see that he’s standing in front of some kinda Seaworld swimming pool, and the crowd goes crazy, they’re clapping and whistling and shouting and they love L-O-V-E love what he’s saying, then we see a babe in a floppy hat, flush with pride and teary-eyed, clearly she loves the young boy and his courage or bravery or whatever for speaking in front of this huge crowd, she looks a lot like the chick from Kiss the Girls, now the words “THIS FALL,” now it’s nighttime outside the Seaworld-looking joint and we hear a dude wearing an ugly fake-ass Hawaiian shirt saying “When that truck arrives you will hear only one voice, and it will be mine, Sawyer, I want you right beside me!,” then we see a dolphin in a tank and its squeaking, “THE WORLD WILL GIVE HER,” an ambulance skidding around a corner on it’s way to the Seaworld, it’s still night, Hawaiian shirt starts talking again, he’s saying “That’s them. All right everybody let’s get ready to go!,” shit, I think Hawaiian shirt is Harry Connick Jr. (#ugh), close-up on flood lights firing up, the back doors on the ambulance are thrown open and there is a dolphin lying in the back straddled by two EMT-looking people, “HOPE,” close-up on the dolphin, then we see Morgan Freeman and Ashley Judd surrounded by wholesome Floridians and everyone collectively sighs, then some pre-teen girl holding a prosumer video camera says “She’s so little,” then one of the EMT-looking dudes says “She’s stiffening up, we better get her in the water soon,” then Hawaiian Harry is carrying the dolphin in arms somewhere and says “Now all we can do his hope,” and the video camera chick says, “That’s her name, Hope,” then Hope is in the tank and kinda floating instead of swimming, some scuba women are bottle feeding Hope and the music now is getting really, really, really intense, “INSPIRED BY THE NEW TRUE STORY,” now we’re in a full-blown Montage Zone, we’ve got blonde ladies waving animatedly—to whom and about what who cares—a ballerina in a living room petting a sea turtle, “FROM THE PRODUCERS OF THE BLIND SIDE,” a young girl and a boy swimming with Hope in the pool on a sunny day, overweight Hawaiian Harry is laughing over drinks and dinner at night at some kinda Chili’s Bar & Grill looking place with outdoor seating, clapping, a stork lose and running through a classroom, laughing, more fucking clapping, WTF is the deal with all the clapping, smiling faces, a one-armed chick swimming underwater with Hope, Kiss the Girls reunion tour is hugging and kinda jumping up and down and lite-frolicking, another young woman, this one smiling and scrunching up her shoulders with joy as she stands against some kinda railing and looks at something apparently joy inducing, “DOLPHIN TALE 2,” Morgan Freeman shouts “I love that fish!!!!!!” and Ashley who is standing right next to the stupid hat-pinstripe-shirt-and-bow tie-wearing Freeman says (super duper sweetly) “That’s not a fish,” in response Morgan says “Looks like a fish, smells like a fish” and everybody laughs, some kid in a wetsuit in the Seaworld swimming pool throws his hands up, two dolphins swimming next to each other, “COMING SOON,, #DolphinTale2.” If you don’t believe us, please click here.

And that is how Manual for Speed discovered the existence of Dolphin Tale 2, and by proxy, Dolphin Tale 1. Dear Team CLIF, hows about a Dolphin Tail Party at next year’s Speed Week!?!?!??!

Here is what Wikipedia has to say about Dolphin Tale 2: “Dolphin Tale 2 is an upcoming 2014 American drama film written and directed by Charles Martin Smith and sequel to his 2011 film Dolphin Tale.Harry Connick, Jr., Ashley Judd, Nathan Gamble, Cozi Zuehlsdorff, Kris Kristofferson, Morgan Freeman, Juliana Harkavy, and Austin Stowell all reprise their roles from the first film while Lee Karlinsky, Julia Jordan and Bethany Hamilton join the cast. The film is set to release on September 12, 2014 and tells the story of another dolphin at the hospital named “Hope”. The sequel will revolve around more true stories from Clearwater Marine Aquarium, including both Winter and the baby dolphin, Hope. Winter will still be the central dolphin character in the film. Other animal characters will also return, including Rufus the Pelican. Also included, however, will be the story of the rehabilitated dolphin Mandy, a dolphin Clearwater Marine Aquarium successfully released back into the wild. Like the first film, Charles Martin Smith based his script on real events that have occurred at the aquarium. The two returning lead characters, Sawyer (Nathan Gamble) and Hazel (Cozi Zuehlsdorff), know what it’s like to lose a parent and Hope lost her mother at a young age, so they can really relate to each other.”

Near the start of the Vail Time Trial, in the expo area, Emiliano criticizes Jens Voigt to Jens Voigt’s face for holding a press conference under the 10 Speed Coffee #mouthsponsors E-Z UP Tent. “Jens, I’m trying to get my morning coffee sorted out here and you’re causing a scene.” Meanwhile, the Jam Band called Gigantic Clam Box plays a jam band song on the stage at the end of the parking lot.



  1. ” Mommy I like your hat .”
  2. ” I ‘ ve already been wet, I was fishing this morning.”

Tejay Van Garderen is the last to start. It’s raining and but still waaaaaay crowded. People are shouting and banging on the barriers and pumping their fists and shit. Dave Towle is doing his thing, bringing the scene to a frenzy, edging the crowd right up to the countdown; 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, TURN DOWN FOR WHAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And boom, the whole places pops, everyone, everywhere, and all at once it’s nothing but volcanos and rocket ships and fireworks all over Vail Village right between Eye Pieces of Vail, Bandess-Cadmus Real Estate and Pepi Sports. Sidenote: Turn Down For What by Lil Jon is in the air!!!!, little kids are singing it while they run around in circles, old ladies are bouncing their hands to it, Dutch fathers are throwing up gang signs to it, Vail cougars are barricade twerking to it, teenagers are making out on staircases to it, cyclists are fist pumping to it, etc.


Today’s question, what do you think about while Time Trialing, by yourself, in the rain?

Thomas Dekker, Team Garmin-Sharp: ” Money in the bank!!!!!!!”

Joe Lewis, Team Hincapie (speaking of Hincapie Dev, thanks for the ride down from the finish and the sweet jams):  “I wondered about why everyone knew my name , but then I realized I put my name sticker on the front of my helmet and I was going slow enough for them to read it, I was disappointed that the weather was so bad because it was too cold for any hot chicks to flash me. Sad face. But mostly I just watched my clock and mentally calculated time cuts in my head, it went from a, ‘Yeah I’ve got this’ to ‘Oh shit, I’d better step on it if I want to start tomorrow.’ And then I sat there willing Tejay to slow down when we were watching the finish in the RV . Fuck , I think I only just made it to o , and I was killing it.”


Podium Jams

  • 1 3 Doors Down When I'm Gone
  • 2 The Goo Goo Dolls Slide
  • 3 Maroon 5 Daylight


R isperdal L awsuit :  The US government recently settled with the manufactured of Risperdal for its illegal off-label marketing of Risperdal to children. Now males who took Risperdal as a child or adolescent and developed gynecomastia (breast growth) have the opportunity to bring individual cases to collect significant compensation, potentially in the hundreds of thousands of dollars.

A ndrogel L awsuit: Testosterone products, which are prescribed to treat low testosterone (“Low T”) in men, have become popular among young men seeking physical enhancement and older men who want to counter signs of aging. But there is growing concern that these products have serious side effects and long-term risks, particularly related to the heart. Men who suffer cardiac arrest, stroke, other heart-related issues or other adverse side effects after using testosterone products or supplements are beginning to file lawsuits, saying they were not properly warned of the risks. As the medical community learns more about adverse events from Low T therapies, drugmakers’ statements about risks and benefits will come under more scrutiny. Depending on how pharmaceutical companies market their products to specific populations, such as elderly men or healthy men with no history of hypogonadism (low testosterone), they could face allegations that they made misleading statements about the benefits of their Low T drugs.

Favorite Infomercial: Premier Walk-in Bathtubs. It’s basically an above ground swimming pool with a door.

Aphorisms, adages, epigraphs, idioms, mantras, proverbs, etc., by Tom Danielson, Phil Gaimon and Ben King.

PHIL GAIMON:  ” When Dekker is in the room, other men are invisible .”

TOMMY D:Unavailable for comment.

BEN KING: “I was thinking about Romans 5:4 this morning. Summary: suffering , perseverance , character , hope , joy .”


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