Results for
2014 USA Pro Challenge

2014 USA Pro Challenge – Stage 01

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DISTANCE: 61 miles SPRINTS: Start/Finish (x2) KOMs: Snowmass (x2) FINISH: Aspen / Snowmass Est Finish Time: 4:46 PM Weather: Sunny, very warm, nearly hot, elevated. Current Location: Room 1147 of the Inn At Aspen. Room 1147 Status: It’s currently 2:29 AM , we are out of Executive (sparkling or “sponsor”) Water, we just shared (three slices a piece) a 28-inch pepperoni and sausage pizza from New York Pizza, Ian is half naked and sleeping, Emiliano is shirtless and working in the corner, I’m in my underwear and a Kasual Klub Tank Top and working on my bed, my lap is hot.

Today’s Objective: 

Photograph the race. Find Thomas Dekker a puppy, or at the very least a small child, to pose with for a candid portrait session before the start of the race.

 

An Enumerated Break-Down Of Our Day, Catalogued By Time And Organized Chronologically

  • 00.00 AM: During yesterday’s making of MFS’s Team Garmin-Sharp Pre-game Meet’n’Greet Lawn Party Interview and Portrait Session , we noticed that Thomas Dekker was wearing exceptional sweat pants. They were articulated. They had topstitching and other superficial detailings. And they were remarkably well-tailored and cut. After casually admiring them, I mentioned to Thomas that I owned a pair of ADYN Essential Joggers, and that they were basically $200.00 sweat pants. Thinking you know, we could bond over our mutual interest in high-fashion soft-pants. He said—smiling warmly the whole time—”Oh yeah, these (pointing to his aforementioned remarkable sweatpants) cost about $1000.00 US, so…”
  • 12:36 PM:  During our first visit to ink! COFFEE this morning, roughly two hours before the 2:40 PM start, there was no music playing music, at all. There was nothing, no music, no radio, just the typical environmental type noises one would associate with a coffee shop. After ordering, we mentioned to them (Alex and Aspen) that they were in fact DJ’ing the Aspen portion of this year’s USA Pro Challenge. They apologized for the silence, and Aspen immediately went to the office in the back to put some music on. We said no sweat, because like, they probably didn’t know they were the DJ’ing the Aspen portion of this year’s USA Pro Challenge, because how would they? Then we asked them to each write down their personal five-deep playlist based on who they are and what they like, to be collected in an hour when we return.
  • 1 :01 PM: We wandered down into the village and lurked hard on the start scene. At one point we confused the Podium Girls, one of whom we know (Hey Courtney Gurl!), with the Cannondale Girls.
  • 1:35 PM: Mike Creed, Team Smart Stop DS, wears Levi’s 511 jeans, Mountain Khakis Polo, Mountain Khakis boots and an H&M Blazer.
  • 2:10 PM: We arranged/secured a small dog for Thomas Dekker to pose with in the barricaded gauntlet area on the way back from sign-in. Moments before Dekker arrived the small dog became anxious and problematic. We immediately fell back to our Plan B position, where we had a small child waiting on stand-by. Watching the child’s mother hand the child over the barricade to a complete stranger as instructed, is Today’s Highlight. Though the child was visibly wary at first, he/she quickly succombed to Dekker’s charm and beauty.
  • 3:01 PM:  During our second visit to ink! COFFEE, not only did we pick-up two exceptional playlists (see below), but, and this was over the course of our prolonged visit due to the length of time between each lap through downtown Aspen, we also made a third playlist based on what was (finally!) playing in situ.
  • 5:11 PM: At the post-race Press Conference in the Antler Room we heard 2014 USA Pro Cycling Stage 1 second place finisher Alex Howes tell the entire world (verbatim-ish), “That’s racing, sometimes it punches you in the face and sometimes it works out.”
  • 6:49 PM: Manual for Speed recieved an email from Thomas Dekker which read (verbatim), “I am waiting for the baby pic…….”
  • 9:30 PM: Emiliano and Ian just returned from 2014 USA Pro Cycling Stage 1 first place finisher Kiel Reijnen’s room in the Timberline Condominiums at Snowmass where they photographed Kiel, in Yellow, (see below).
  • 2:30 AM: I just ordered a Quantum Turbo SC Flash Battery, a Canon 550EX flash and Quantum CV2 flash Cable from Adorama for overnight delivery to our hotel in Colorado Springs because earlier today my 4-month old Canon 430 EXII failed, suddenly and completely. As I hit “submit your order,” I noticed seconds too late that that the Quantum Turbo SC Flash Battery is currently out of stock. I’m looking forward to speaking with Adorama customer service tomorrow regarding canceling that portion of my order. And I’m looking even more forward to ordering a second, hopefully in stock this time, Quantum Turbo SC Flash Battery for overnight delivery from B&H or maybe possibly KEH.

 

2014 USA PRO CYCLING CHALLENGE ANNOUNCER DAVE TOWLE

Quotes reproduced verbatim, when possible.

You got to be in position , to even be in position , to do something if you want to do something.

 

Done a aaaaaaaand dusted ddddd !

 

Ladies and Gentlemen, things are gonna go ballistic five minutes from now !

 

Are you ready to see these gladiators launch into space!?!??!?!?!

 

There are twenty that want into that break-away but there are only six seats at that table !

 

If you get dropped because you ‘re not fast enough nobody cares about you, you ‘re dead to them. But if you have a mechanical, then the service guys are there to help you get back into the race. But once the problem is fixed it’s up to these riders to either drop like a rock down and elevator shaft or rise like an angel soaring back to the top of the race.

 

Get ready for a sonic boom in mere seconds!

 

There are no gifts in professional cycling !

 

Right now these guys are literally turning themselves literally inside out !

 

The German diesel is slaying it now!

 

Jens Voigt has the accelerator taped to the floor and he is going going gone !

 

You can see the Panic B ells ringing all over the place !

 

The heavy , heavy hitters on BMC have taken over the race !

 

Hammer and tongs , hammer and tongs . Hammer. And. Tongsssss !

Aphorisms, adages, epigraphs, idioms, mantras, proverbs, etc., by Tom Danielson, Phil Gaimon and Ben King.

 

Mavic makes footwear and wheels, but more importantly Yellow, the color of sunshine, produces a warming effect, arouses cheerfulness, stimulates mental activity and generates muscle energy. Furthermore, yellow is associated with joy, happiness, intellect, and free-but-exceptionally-reliable mechanical service, in particular service related to wheels, i.e. bicycle wheels.

TOMMY D:  “My goal today is to accomplish my objectives.”

PHIL GAIMON: “Youngest never pays for his own coffee, and the oldest gets the big bed.”

BEN KING: “The glory of God is a man most fully alive.”—St Irenaeus of Lyons

2014 USA PRO CHALLENGE: STAGE 01

KIEL IS KIEL REIJNEN'S MIDDLE NAME. HIS FIRST NAME IS JAMES.
FRUIT BOOTS: NOUN, ROLLERBLADES. (SOURCE: URBAN DICTIONARY)
ALEX & ASPEN HOLDIN' IT DOWN AT INK! COFFEE.
DUCT TAPE WAS ORIGINALLY DEVELOPED FOR THE US MILITARY, AND WAS INTENDED TO "SEAL AMMUNITION CASES AGAINST MOISTURE"
A PEACE SIGN TYPOGRAPHIC CHARACTER CAN BE ACHIEVED BY USING THE UNICODE U+270C. IT LOOKS LIKE THIS ✌.
IN ORDER TO KEEP SHAVED ICE FROM TURNING INTO SOLID ICE ONCE AGAIN, THERE SHOULD IDEALLY BE 12% - 22% OF SUGAR PRESENT IN THE TOTAL MIX AFTER THE SYRUP IS POURED.
BEHOLD, LUCAS EUSER.
EMILIANO GRANADO, WHO HAS BEEN COMPLAINING ABOUT ELEVATION SICKNESS SINCE ARRIVING IN COLORADO WITH SYMPTOMS INCLUDING (BUT NOT LIMITED TO) SHORTNESS OF BREATH, INTESTINAL DISRUPTION AND LETHARGY, WAS SO EXCITED ABOUT THIS ATHLETE'S YELLOW SOCKS AND SANDAL COMBINATION THAT HE RAN 300 YARDS ACROSS THE TEAM BUS AREA TO TAKE THIS PICTURE.
TED KING SCORED A 790 ON THE MATH PORTION OF THE SAT EXAM, ONLY TEN POINTS SHY OF A PERFECT SCORE. THE CURRENT AVERAGE IN THE UNITED STATES FOR THE MATH PORTION IS 514.
#HOTELJEROMECHILLERS
MFS CANNOT CONFIRM WHETHER OR NOT TAYLOR PHINNEY ACTUALLY CARES ABOUT MFS. ANY INFORMATION LEADING TO A CONFIRMATION ONE WAY OR ANOTHER WILL RESULT IN A REWARD OF $5.00 AND AN SPEED SPEED SPEED SHIRT. #FANSIES
ACCORDING TO WIKIPEDIA, "IN THE EARLY 2000S, THE TRUCKER HAT BECAME A MAINSTREAM FASHION TREND, PREDOMINANTLY AMONG SUBURBAN AMERICAN YOUTH."
EXPECT MORE OF THIS TO COME.
#FANSIES
SHOEI STARTING MAKING MOTORCYCLE HELMETS IN JAPAN IN 1958. TWO OF THE COMPANY'S FACTORIES WERE DAMAGED BY THE EARTHQUAKE THAT STRUCK JAPAN IN 2011.
#133, MATT COOKE. MATT COOKE DATE OF BIRTH: AUGUST 5, 1979
DWP #STRAIGHTCREEPIN. ALSO THESE ARE NOT, REPEAT NOT, THE PODIUM GIRLS. THESE ARE THE CANNONDALE GIRLS.
THE JEROME HOTEL WAS IT WAS BUILT BY JEROME B. WHEELER, A CO-OWNER OF MACY'S
"HELLO, MY NAME IS DANIEL, AND I'M HERE TO CLEAR UP ALL THE RUMORS ABOUT MY HAT, AND TO EXPLAIN WHY IT MAKES IT LOOK LIKE I HAVE SNOOPY EARS."
THIS PHOTOGRAPH OF JORDAN AND KIEL REIJNEN, WHICH PHOTOGRAPH ALMOST DIDN'T HAPPEN DUE TO JORDAN'S POST-RACE TRANSPORTATION ARRANGEMENTS, WAS COORDINATED/BROKERED/PRODUCED/PHOTOGRAPHED/PUBLISHED BY MANUAL FOR SPEED.

UHC PRO CYCLING 2014 USA PRO CHALLENGE YELLOW JERSEY LOOKBOOK, FEAT. KIEL REIJNEN

"AFTER I GOT THIRD ON STAGE 5 OF THE TOUR OF UTAH I GOT A TEXT MESSAGE AND A CALL FROM MOM."
"TODAY I'VE GOTTEN FORTY-SIX TEXT MESSAGES AND 37 EMAILS."
"198 TWITTER NOTIFICATIONS AND 178 FACEBOOK NOTIFICATIONS."
"AND A CALL FROM MOM."
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