Results for

2014 Dubai Tour: Stage 02

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Somebody who knows about these things recently told me, “The good thing about dealing with Italians is that a ‘no’ is rarely final.” I don’t know how exactly, but Manual for Speed managed to circumvent the system and get on a fake moto for today’s Sport Stage. I’ve been told not to go into the details. In fact, by virtue of saying/typing/publishing I’ve been told not to go into the details, I’ve effectively gone into the details. Nevertheless, here is a brief list outlining the key parts of the process (at least the parts of the process we know about), we hope the list is appropriately vague and lacking in substance and/or damaging/inflammatory-type details, and we also hope it’s quasi-illuminating in regards to what’s possible if A.) Race Organizers don’t know and/or care who you are B.) You’re inclined to subvert the system C.) You have an unfair advantage, at least as far as this race is concerned.


  1. We know one of the sponsors of the Dubai Tour.
  2. We ask a dude who works for the sponsor for help regarding credentials and a moto assignment.
  3. Dude lives in the same country as the dudes who are organizing the race.
  4. Dude asks Race Organizers for moto assignment. Race Organizers say no.
  5. Dude is a Main guy, but due to the size of our request (getting on a moto is difficult) and due to the “no” our Dude just got, Dude enlists an even Mainer Dude for help.
  6. Mainer Dude11This Dude is More Main, not a person from Maine. At least to our knowledge. requests a moto for his personal photographer—that’s us, he’s talking about us.
  7. Race organizers say maybe, will let you know.
  8. Mainer Dude says probs gonna happen but won’t know for sure until we get there, let’s meet when we get there and see what’s up.
  9. I get there, I get a green vest which is okay, I ask about moto, I get told no.
  10. I can’t find Mainer Dude but I drop Mainer Dude’s name to Young Guy and that kinda works. Young Guy tells me to come back and speak with an Old Guy.
  11. I come back, find Old Guy, Old Guy doesn’t speak English, Old Guy gets Young Woman A who speaks some English. Old Guy tells me to come back in the morning before the Individual Time Trial and speak with Middle Age Guy.
  12. Meanwhile Helpful Well Connected Friend of Friend overhears what’s going on and says that he will try to help us.
  13. I come back in the morning, find Middle Age Guy and talk to Middle Age Guy.  Middle Age Guy sounds positive but also not entirely convinced it’s possible, Middle Age Guy motions for me to follow him, I follow him.  Middle Age Guy finds Old Guy and they talk in native tongue, sometimes they gesture in my direction. Middle Age Guy says to come back tomorrow with a helmet.
  14. This sounds positive.
  15. Later that afternoon Helpful Well Connected Friend of Friend and I run into each other, he informs me that my request has been denied. I tell him I’ve been told to bring helmet, he says well in that case maybe it will happen. Helpful Well Connected Friend of Friend says he thinks I’ve managed to go around two or three very important people.
  16. The next morning I find Middle Age Guy. Middle Age Guy says I need to find Old Guy. I find Old Guy. Old Guy still doesn’t speak English. Old Guy and I walk around until we find Young Woman B who speaks pretty good English. Old Guy says we need to speak to Other Old Guy. The three of us walk around the start area until eventually we find Other Old Guy. Old Guy and Other Old Guy speak in native tongue. Young Woman B interjects a few times.
  17. I’m told to follow Other Old Guy. I follow Other Old Guy to where Main Scooter Guy is standing. They speak in native tongue, sometimes they gesticulate in my direction. Young Woman B excuses hereself.
  18. Main Scooter Guy is upset, but in the end Main Scooter guy assigns me to Matteo. Matteo is the best moto/scooter driver in the  world.


0.0 km
The oldest known sandals in the world were found in Fort Rock Cave, Oregon (in the United States). Radiocarbon dating showed that they are at least 10,000 years old. Sandals is also the name of a chain of all-inclusive resorts for couples in the Caribbean. Sandals resorts do not allow children to visit, because they want to make your vacation "as romantic and relaxing as possible", according to the company's website.


0.0–1.7 KM

Highways that connect Dubai to other emirates are identified by a falcon emblem, the letter "E", as well as a two or three digit number.


1.7–10.2 KM


10.2–18.8 KM

Baboons (part of the Cercopithecinae subfamily) have red rear ends for two reasons. First, as indication that a female is ready to mate, and also as a way to easily show submissiveness among the pack.
Graham Watson was born in London in 1956. He studied at Stanley Technical High School (now known as Harris Academy South Norwood). Fellow alumni include footballer Victor Moses and Captain Sensible, founding member and singer of the punk rock band The Damned. #grahamgram


26.7–42.0 KM


42.0–53.2 KM

Cyclists in Dubai have reported being shocked when riding below power lines. One South African cyclist was knocked off his bike by an electrical discharge that went into his helmet and out through his feet. This is likely happening because cyclists generate static electricity while on their bike, with their tires acting as insulators. When they ride by power lines, the static electricity is suddenly discharged.


58.5–62.6 KM

Much of the sand in Dubai is made up of crushed shell and coral. Coral reefs are made out of calcium carbonate (same as shells), which is secreted by corals themselves. We'll stop there, and not go into calcium corbonate, because otherwise this caption could turn into a pseudo-scientific matryoshka nesting doll.


62.6–75.0 KM


92.1–97.6 KM

Last year, Thor Hushovd starred in a Norwegian commercial where, at the end, he removed his face to reveal that he's in fact a cat.


97.6–108.8 KM


118.8–122.0 KM

Matteo, the Official Sport Stage 02 MFS Moto/Scooter Driver. Matteo is the aforementioned best moto/scooter driver in the world.


Taylor Phinney has a personal policy about not taking painkillers or drinking caffeine pills.
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