Results for

2015 USA Pro Challenge: Stage 01

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Distance 96.6 mi. Or maybe they didn’t go anywhere at all? Number of Steps 8617 or 4.2 Miles. Kyle – 30 maybe 40, I was mostly scootin’. Time of Filing 12:26 AM Accommodations Quality Inn, Steamboat Springs. Great place for a Tip Sweep. Today’s Objectives Take photos of bicycle racers and the fans who came to watch them race. Avoid going to The Rusty Porch at all costs. WIFI Details This is America, we do WiFi right. Weather There was some surprise rain as the riders approached the first KOM. But it ended quickly and the rest of the day the weather was fine.

DEAR USA PRO CHALLENGE

You said the race was going to be two laps. So if I undestand this right, that means the riders are going to go around the same course twice. That means they are going to go down the same descents, around the same corners, through the same intersections, twice. And they did, they went around twice. Nothing wrong with that at all. But let’s get to my issue. As we were coming down from the first KOM we were stuck behind the volunteers’ van. This particular van was festooned with dragon paraphernalia: stuffed dragons were lashed to the bumpers and dragon stickers were peppered all over the surface, and just to be clear that this van was about dragons the name Dragon Wagon was boldly emblazoned on the side windows. Hey, you want to add flair?, add flair, it’s your rig, Dragon Wagon, World Chimp, Leg’s League, Sprint Shrimps, Victory Van, Climbers Clatch, Bike Car, Spandex Ship, Helmet House, The Water Bottler, The Chain Gang, The Lube Sled, The Cassettes Only, Tire Turners, The Seat Sniffers, The Flat Bandits, Wattage Cottage, no problem, you do you.

But here’s the thing: why, if these guys are going to go around the exact same course twice, was the Dragon Wagon picking up all the course flaggers?

Why was the course Marshall’s truck picking up all the water bottles and most of the km-to-go signs? I have to say this really didn’t make any sense. I mean these guys were going to need flag support on the second lap right? They are going to be tossing bottles on the second lap, they are going to need to know how far they are from the finish on the second lap, right? It all just seemed a little premature. Chances are you had a good reason, you had some plan in the works that we didn’t know about, but from our perspective you were creating a lot more work for yourself. Here’s some advice, rather than pick up the flaggers just drop some water and maybe a sandwich, then pick them up at the end of the race. Same goes for the Marshall’s truck, just pick up the bottles once, at the end of the race, after it’s over, no need for all this extraneous work. I mean you probably have something better to do any way, like printing more technical manuals.

TODAY’S HIGHS & LOWS

    High Points
  • Dave Towle and Brad talking about Kyle Murphy, then Brad looking right at me and saying, “I learned about Kyle Murphy on Manual for Speed, that’s where I get all my race information.”
  • Jurassic Park.
  • Marty dropping off the bank on our Micro Scooter.
    Low Points
  • Going the wrong way on the course.
  • Remembering The Rusted Porch.
  • Going to the media office 4 times looking for a Technical Manual and never getting one.

TODAY’S TOP DAVE TOWLE QUOTES

“Dennis just went primal!”

 

“His mouth looks like a hoover vacuum trying to suck in oxygen!”

 

“They have separated the wheat from the chaff.”

 

“He’s like a fly in your house that you just can’t get rid of.”

 

“This guy is like your mother-in-law, he just won’t leave!”

 

“He has put his foot on the the throat of the Canadian!”

 

“It’s not the sprint, or the counter, but the counter of the counter that wins races.”

STEAMBOAT SPRINGS

Fast Facts Courtesy of Wikipedia

  • Country: United States
  • State: State of Colorado
  • County: Routt County (Seat)
  • Incorporated July 19, 1900
  • Government Type: Home Rule Municipality
  • Area: 10.1 square miles
  • Elevation: 6,732 ft (2,052 m)
  • Population (2010): 12,088 (1,200/sq mi)
  • Time Zone: MST/MDT (UTC-7/UTC-6)
  • ZIP Codes: 80477, 80487, 80488
  • FIPS Code: 08-73825
  • GNIS Feature ID: 0172749
"I’m in a porno right now, are you guys filming a porno?"

Avery May

RT. 27 KOM

"I feel like I need milk in my hands right now."

Some Sougnier Lady

STEAMBOAT SPRINGS

SCOOTER SESH

Feat. Kyle, Marty, and Todd

STEAMBOAT SPRINGS