Results for

2015 UCI Road Race World Championships

Click to view whole series

Richmonders refer to the World Championship race as “The UCI.”

 

Race Stats

 

Start Location

Richmond

Finish Location

Richmond

Distance

259.2 km

Number of Steps

15,379 steps or 7.5 miles

Time of Filing

1:12 AM

Accommodations

We’re in room 717 of the Holiday Inn on Staples Mill Road. You know the one, there’s a meeting of the Local Liberian Association taking place in the Potomac Room on the ground floor in the lobby happening RIGHT NOW, it’s 8:55 PM. The Potomac Room has boardroom-style seating for twenty occupants, 12 foot ceilings and over 648 square feet of unnaturally lit space in which to party or whatever.

 

Today’s Objectives

Get a second vest even if it means you have to apologize to Laura. ✓

 

Top 3 Finishers
  1. Peter Sagan (Slovakia, 6:14:37)
  2. Michael Matthews (Australia, +0:00:03)
  3. Ramunas Navardauskas (Lithuania, +0:00:03)

WIFI Details

Sure, yeah, it’s pretty good or whatever. Side Note: Klaus claims that rather than choosing a hotel based on location and rate, he’d prefer to simply select accommodations based on an accurate comparison chart of wifi speeds, cost be damned

Weather

It was supposed to rain, it didn’t rain. Under normal circumstances that would be a good thing but today it wasn’t because we prepared. We wore pants and jackets and matching rubber Chuck Taylors. But it didn’t rain, it just hotted, humided and clammed.

Quote of the Day

“I don’t have stuff that does anything, I just wear things from the J.Crew outlet mall.”
-Klaus lamenting his lack of clothing either built or equipped with technical features and benefits.

“I take the labels off things because bad typography bothers me.”
-Klaus discussing his OCD-type habit of removing the labels from various household and personal hygiene goods like dish soap and deodorant.

“Who’s the Jazz guy who taught his cat how to go to the bathroom on the toilet?”
-Klaus, setting up a poncho joke he was reminded of after seeing a homeless person go by on Broad Street.

“Before that I that had a friggin’ poncho.”
-Klaus, reminiscing about one of several garments missing post-move.

“I don’t control my poop, my poop controls me.”
-Emiliano Granado

“You like the Orioles? I pitched for the Orioles in 71.”
-Anonymous (Publisher’s Note: You didn’t get his name??????)

“There’s a lot of tall transgender out there today.”
-Anonymous [Overheard on Libby Hill]

“Just listen to that tasty basslick!”
-Klaus, talking about the band Weather Report.

“There are six loaded guns you need to know about. There’s a loaded gun under my mattress. There’s a loaded gun behind the toilet. Etc.”
-Anonymous

“Their seafood pasta salad is to die for!”
-A woman on the sidewalk wearing an “Ask Me About Church Hill” shirt and handing out a map to neighborhood shops.

“You mean they don’t have their own bathrooms?”
-The same lady, concerned about when and where the racers ‘did their business.’

“Get off the track, dude.”
-Anonymous Bro commenting to Manual for Speed about how Manual for Speed was standing on the side of the road approximately ten minutes before the race came past.

“They’re sure pumpin’ the music, boy.”
-Shuttle Driver Bro talking about the music in the Eritrean Zone. Which Side Note, was, in fact, crackin’.

“Tyler Farrar is on the attack, you know it’s him, you can see that little ponytail under his helmet.”
-TV Announcer

“You’re tantric-peaking.”
-Klaus discussing his perception of Manual for Speed’s success.

Course Description[OFFICIAL]

The peloton heads west from Downtown Richmond, working their way onto Monument Avenue, a paver-lined, historic boulevard that’s been named one of the “10 Great Streets in America.” Racers will take a 180-degree turn at the Jefferson Davis monument and then maneuver through the Uptown district and Virginia Commonwealth University.

Halfway through the circuit, the race heads down into Shockoe Bottom before following the canal and passing Great Shiplock Park, the start of the Virginia Capital Trail. A sharp, off-camber turn at Rocketts Landing brings the riders to the narrow, twisty, cobbled 200-meter climb up to Libby Hill Park in the historic Church Hill neighborhood.

A quick descent, followed by three hard turns leads to a 100-meter-long climb up 23rd Street. Once atop this steep cobbled hill, riders descend into Shockoe Bottom. This leads them to the final 300-meter-long climb up Governor Street. At the top, riders face a 680-meter false flat to the finish.

 

RACE REPORT

Listen, hand to God, Manual for Speed is coming around. For seriously, it’s happening, we are. Pretty much since the Tour de France and Colorado, we’ve had some time to reflect and check-in with some shit, basically everything. The world. Ourselves. Friends. Family. Our privilege. Et cetera, et cetera. We get it, over the last six months we’ve gone from observation and calculated complaint to some kind of protracted sulk. Enough is enough, cycling is rad, France is cool, fans are neat, corn hole toss isn’t the apocalypse (or is it?), who cares, that’s not the point. The point is we’re pumped & jazzed. And we’re going to prove it but first real quick one pretty critical & super negative thought about obtaining credentials.

 

I could tell you all about how after five years of publishing Manual for Speed we still have to fight and beg and work and do tricks and handjobs for credentials. How it’s rarely if ever a straight-forward thing, and how demoralizing it is to be scrutinized and evaluated and judged ALL DAY LONG by volunteers in Location Hats and Italians with exceptional style. More specifically I could tell you about getting a second bib at Today’s UCI in Richmond. Which bib was a required to properly photograph the race.

 

Or I could ask you, our readers, to watch this video (ed note: since removed by YouTube, but it was an hour long of Axel Rose doing something). It’s an hour long. I spent two hours trying to get a bib so you should watch it twice. If you do, if you watch this whole video twice, in solidarity, because you want to know if you can, for endurance-practice, whatever, it doesn’t matter, point is if you watch this video twice we will send you a free kit. Also, no cheating, you have to watch the video and only the video, no multi tasking, no distractions. In fact, listen, if you make it through 20 minutes, write us, tell us about it, we will probably send you something awesome.

 

This video perfectly captures the circular nature of the UCI credential process. Also, it speaks to the absurdity. And the torture. And the desperation. And the insanity. That’s it, I’m done. 1000% positivity from here on out.

EIGHT REASONS WHY MY WEEKEND IN RICHMOND WAS TOTALLY AWESOME

  1. We watched Black Mass at Movieland.
  2. I like all the Starbucks.
  3. Klaus dressing for Sunday School.
  4. Libby Hill
  5. Ben King, Alex Howes, Dave Roth, Slate Olson, Kristof Ramon, Brakethrough Media, Chris Destefano, the rest of the Rapha crew, Mike Spriggs, Tim Johnson who clowned on my salty hat, Timmy Duggan wearing a Support Our Dudes shirt, and probs like fifteen other people I can’t remember right now.
  6. Peter Sagan’s bike handling skills.
  7. The course.
  8. This race made me like bike racing again. Kinda. I’m fucking with you. I love it. Mostly. But for seriously, this was a good race, I don’t know what it looked like or what it was supposed to look like, or what it was supposed to be like, but I was into it.

TODAY’S HIGHS & LOWS

Todays's Highs & Lows

    High Points
  • Listening to Richmonders refer to the World Championship race as “The UCI.” For example; “This is the best UCI I’ve ever been to.”
  • Watching the last 45 seconds of Today’s Race on the big screen in the Pits with all the soigneurs and half the field (who had already quit for the day). Watching Peter Sagan downhill Time Trial, from the top tube. Watching the IRL real-time reaction video going on behind me every time he shot through the apex of corner and buzzed-the-fuck out of the barricade on the far side on his way out.
  • Reliving Smegma-Gate with Tim Johnson and Slate Olson.
  • Watching Klaus’s brother Daniel shout “Go Bling!” at Michael Mathews.
  • Watching a heretofore calm/respectful/nice fan go berserk and throw shit at Kristof Ramon because Kristof Ramon was standing on the course and blocking dude’s view.
    Low Points
  • A 9:00 AM start.
  • The UCI.
  • Press Shuttle Driver Bros.
  • The smell of the Press Shuttle vehicles.
  • The subtropical swamp-like atmospheric and climatic conditions.
  • Failing to connect Mormon Josh with his White Whale Klaus.
  • Watching a heretofore calm/respectful/nice fan go berserk and throw shit at Kristof Ramon because Kristof Ramon was standing on the course and blocking dude’s view.

RICHMOND FACTS

by Klaus
  1. Incorporated in 1742.
  2. Population (Richmond Metro): 1.3 million.
  3. Richmond is within a one-day’s drive of half of the US population.
  4. Climate: Humid subtropical.
  5. Richmond is where canned beer was first made commercially available, in 1935.
  6. Expected impact in visitor spending as a result of the UCI Road World Championships: $158.1 million11Manual for Speed believes this estimate to be grossly overstated.
  7. Estimated number of IRL spectators: 450,000.
  8. Estimated Television spectators: 300 million.
  9. Cost of hosting the world championships to the city of Richmond: $7 million.
  10. Musical acts from Richmond: GWAR, Lamb of God, Avail, Jason Mraz, Municipal Waste, Audra The Rapper, and Pat Benatar.
  11. Richmond is home to six Fortune 500 companies: Dominion Resources, CarMax, Owens & Minor, Genworth Financial, Meadwestvaco, McKesson Medical-Surgical and Altria.
  12. Annual crime statistics according to most recent FBI information: Robbery: 3,652; Property crime: 33,864; Motor vehicle theft: 2,573; Murder: 72.
  13. Sister cities: Richmond-upon-Thames (UK), Saitama (Japan), Windhoek (Namibia), Zhengzhou (China), Seguou (Mali), Uijeongbu (South Korea).
  14. Richmond Rankings: America’s healthiest city (parenting.com, 2010), Top seven cities for trail runners (Trail Runner magazine, 2003), Top ten cities for film makers (MovieMaker, 2011), Top 100 Best Bang-For-The-Buck Cities (Forbes, 2009).
  15. Richmond, VA on Twitter (@CityRichmondVA), 27,000 followers. Sample Tweet: “#RVA City Recognized with Governor’s Technology Award – Open Data Portal won in category of Innovative Use of Open Data”
  16. Google Reviews of Richmond’s Funny Bone comedy club: “Comedians were fairly funny but wait staff and service isn’t good.” “Waitress got our bill wrong.” “Waiter tried to charge me for drinks I did not order.”
  17. Number of Wilsons Leather stores in Richmond, VA: 1.
  18. Amount in the city budget to educate citizens about “poop etiquette”: $24,000.

START

Yerba mate is a species of holly (Aquifoliaceae). It’s botanical name is Ilex paraguariensis. It’s mostly known as the source of the beverage called mate.
Winner Andrew Anacona’s name comes from his father’s love of cycling, and two riders in particular, Peter Winnen and Andy Hampsten. His father, however, misspelled Peter Winnen’s name in the birth certificate as “Winner”.

THE MONUMENTS

General Lee (sometimes referred to as simply "the General"), was a 1969 Dodge Charger, driven by the Duke cousins Bo and Luke; in the television series The Dukes of Hazzard. The General Lee was most often outfitted with B.F. Goodrich Radial tires in its most common sizes, P235/70R14 or P235/70R15.
General Li is a character in the Disney film Mulan ,voiced by James Shigeta. James Shigeta also appeared in Die Hard, The Love Boat, TJ Hooker and Magnum P.I.

THE TRESTLE ZONE

Triple crossing is believed to be the only place in North America where three Class 1 railroads cross over each other in the same spot. It’s currently operated by CSX Transportation.
In 2015, Russia's Interior Ministry launched a campaign warning citizens about the dangers of taking selfies, after two men died in the Ural Mountains as a result of pulling the pin from a hand grenade.

23RD STREET